


anxiety

by orphan_account



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, Soulmate AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 08:22:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 34,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9596090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Mingyu's soulmate has thoughts as dark as the midnight, smog-filled sky. He can't help but to wonder why. In a world where everyone can hear their soulmate's thoughts, Mingyu tries to remain optimistic for his soulmate.





	1. some uneasy thoughts, good friends, and a revelation

**Author's Note:**

> For some background, since this is an AU, I'm going to clarify before anyone starts reading that in this AU, this system is how it has always been. From the beginning of time, people have heard their soulmates' thoughts. There has been little discovered on how to deal with it. I will delve into some subjects in this chapter and in others, but if anything comes off as confusing, then feel free to ask about it! I'd love to clarify and it will only assist me in writing other chapters so that they are clearer. The biggest part you should know going into it is that one starts hearing their soulmate in their early teens (usually before sixteen, but there are exceptions). What they are hearing is usually inner thoughts, not just mundane things, but things people dwell on. The thoughts that don't easily come and go. Those things that we can't get out of our heads. When someone like Mingyu hears his soulmate's thoughts, he doesn't hear them in his voice and that's how he knows they aren't this thoughts. No conversations can be had between the thoughts, but often they can think about similar topics. 

When the strange voice cuts through Mingyu’s thoughts, at the age of thirteen, he feels strange. If he hadn’t been taught by his parents that the voice in the back of his head belonged to his soulmate, then he would have thought that somehow someone had infiltrated his thoughts. Minghao, in all his superstitious glory, would have been correct that there were beings and things that humans just couldn’t understand. Luckily, the voice sounds woefully normal. No aliens have hijacked his thoughts, instead, he was hearing the crisp, clean speech of a tired boy. He realizes that he can only hear the boy if he’s lost in his own thoughts or spacing out. He speaks in a language that he cannot understand sometimes, and other times he speaks in a myriad of languages. He catches onto the Korean, some of the English, none of the other languages that he doesn’t even know if he could put a name to if he tried. The first thing that he says that Mingyu can understand is: It’s hopeless.

It makes Mingyu feel anxious. The voice fades for awhile after that. Mingyu’s anxiety only grows as he realizes that his soulmate could be in some trouble. There’s no phone number to call to report his thoughts. There’s no emergency government system in place that allows for his soulmate to be found. Even if there was, then he’s only heard that one phrase… There’s no way that Mingyu would be able to pick up on his soulmate’s voice. All he knows about his soulmate is that he has a clear voice that can apparently handle several different languages.

By the time he’s seventeen, he’s addicted to the sound of his soulmate’s voice. He’s a singer, apparently, but not professionally. For a couple years, he’s been in America or he’s from America. Mingyu can shift through complaints that he’s thought about that nation, about his Korean, about his singing. All of the thoughts aren’t always dark and dangerous, but he still seems to have a hard time with even the things that Mingyu figures he’s confident in. At thirteen, his soulmate had already been speaking various languages, but he can often pick up on him being unsure of his speaking ability, specifically in Korean. Sometimes he sings in his thoughts, but mostly it is humming. Either way, Mingyu lives for those rare moments, but he’s more likely to hear his soulmate worry about his singing. Whatever his soulmate does, it isn’t enough for him. Mingyu wants to let him know that he’s doing a good job.

The system is not supposed to be used as a conversation, so Mingyu makes sure to think kind thoughts about everyone he sees just in case his soulmate is listening. Everyone does enough in Mingyu’s eyes, and it isn’t as though Mingyu is unkind or lying when he thinks these thoughts. It is just a little more effort than he usually puts into being kind.

\--

Minghao thinks it’s bullshit. The entire system is.

“Soulmates are like objective truths,” he says, sounding too smart for Mingyu already. “They are just out there in the world, and apparently we know them or we don’t.” He shakes his head in annoyance. His face is screwed up as though he’s going to punch through his desk. “We just have to accept them, but that’s _garbage_.” He makes a noise of anger, flopping back into his seat across from Mingyu.

There’s no way that Minghao’s soulmate could ever want to meet him. The way he opposed the whole system scared many of his friends away until he realized that there were just some friends that wouldn’t stand to listen to him complain about it, then there were the rare few that would listen to his flippant rants about how it’s wrong to force people into believing that there is someone out there for them and that once they find each other, they will be happy. Without any real money to his name, Minghao doubts that he’ll ever be able to meet his soulmate who is from some Scandinavian country. Her pretty voice echoes in his head, but he hardly searches for her anymore. Just by hearing her voice, Minghao is reminded that he’s trapped with her until they meet. He’s been trying to block her out ever since he first heard her when he was fifteen.

“I don’t know. It’s the way that things have been,” Mingyu says, voice smaller than it has ever been. He doesn’t mind Minghao’s opposition of the concept of soulmates, but he doesn’t necessarily agree with it either. Sometimes, Minghao says things that makes him realize that maybe he never wanted any of this either, but he could never imagine abandoning his soulmate who feels so close to him yet so far away at the same time. “Even if you oppose it, nothing will change. I don’t know how any of it would change.” It’s an attempt at comfort. It ends up clawing its way up underneath their skin.

Minghao makes an uncomfortable sound, then sinks down into his chair until he’s pretty much sliding off of it. “I just want her out of my head. I don’t want to meet her and go through all the drama of telling her that this is bullshit.” He sighs. “I have a heart, I do.”

“If you had a heart, then you would have realized that with the amount of time you spend thinking about this, she probably has already heard enough to know that you aren’t interested and her and will never be,” Mingyu points out fairly. “Sit up.” Minghao, as he fixes himself, sticks his tongue out at his best friend. Once he’s seated appropriately again, Mingyu gives him a warm smile, “That’s better. Now I can tell you aren’t pouting.”

He gets a balled-up t-shirt thrown at him for that. “You sound like my mother sometimes,” Minghao says, then his expression shifts as though he’s just realized something. “Oh, yeah,” he says and Mingyu actually gives him his full attention. “I’m going back home for about a week. I know I said I’d help you with moving and stuff, but I can’t. I have to do a bunch of stuff for my parents.”

Mingyu nods. “That’s fine. I understand.”

The look he gets in response is bewildered. “You turned soft, you know,” Minghao says, turning away from him to fix some things on his desk. “After you started hearing your soulmate. He made you into a softie and you haven’t even met him yet.”

Trying to hide the blush on his face, Mingyu ducks his head and turns in his own seat to retrieve the shirt that was thrown at him. “It’d be foolish for me to fall for someone’s _voice_.” He says. “Plus… your innermost thoughts… those are the scary ones, the dangerous ones, the ones that you don’t want anyone else to know. How could those be criteria for falling in love? Shouldn't that just push us away?”

From underneath his desk, Minghao snorts. “Remember when Soonyoung thought that his soulmate was a murderer until he realized that he was just really angry about something silly?”

“Yeah,” is the only response that Minghao gets. Mingyu doesn't understand what he's getting at. 

“I’m just saying that thoughts are scary. Psychologically speaking, it isn’t even… not all of our thoughts are totally our own, you know? Like some of it is just our brains being… weird. Like intrusive thoughts… I don’t know.” Minghao shrugs, after he sits back up in his seat. “That’s just another reason why this system is bullshit.”

Mingyu tries to think about the last time he’s heard from his soulmate. If he focuses enough, then he can hear a quiet humming in the back of his mind. It makes him feel inexplicably warm.

\--

“I’ve been doing research into this stuff,” says Soonyoung, tapping away on his keyboard. “I”m trying to figure out how to find your soulmate easier. Chan mentioned to me that I could… probably set up like… a virtual bank of voices or something, but I think that’d be too hard to search through, even with identifiers. Plus I'm also trying to figure out how to silence your soulmate’s voice, you know? Like... “

“For Minghao?” Mingyu knows all too well why Soonyoung would look into that.

“Yeah,” he says quietly, “I can’t find anything on it, except apparently the voice goes silent when your soulmate dies, but that’s all up to chance… _plus_ it’s obvious. If your soulmate isn’t alive anymore, then they can’t _really_ be thinking and you can’t really be hearing their thoughts.”

It makes sense, but Hansol seems to disagree, returning back from the vending machines with several variety snacks for everyone to enjoy while they are studying: some studying actual class material, others (Soonyoung) not. “What if, like, reincarnation is real though, or like… souls don’t die?” He shrugs at his own comment, not sure of the merit of it. Soonyoung shakes his head, remaining quiet for now.

“Yeah, but there are actual records from people saying that they just stopped hearing their soulmate’s voice,” he finally says.

Mingyu’s eyebrows knit together as though he’s focusing really hard on his thoughts. “Wait,” he pauses, trying to gather all of the information that he has on this whole system. “I don’t know how they could have figured it out it was death in all those cases… like what if those people just met their soulmate but they didn’t realize it?” Hansol’s mouth drops open as he points his pencil eraser at Mingyu in excited agreement. “Or… what if there’s something else that allows for them to just stop hearing them? We just haven’t figured it out yet, huh?”

“Shit, he’s right,” Hansol’s still holding his eraser towards him, bouncing it up and down between his fingers. “We can’t know for sure, so maybe focus on homework.” He reaches over to shut Soonyoung’s laptop, but Soonyoung moves too quickly to guard his precious work.

“I’m a dance major,” is all he says, looking prideful of his title.

Seungkwan walks up to their table, dropping his stuff down dramatically. “I didn’t know that dance majors were allowed to elect out of core classes.” He says, rolling his eyes. He flops into his chair as though this is his first chance at relaxation today (and it probably is). “If you don’t have any work, then you should help me with mine.”

Hansol shakes his head wildly, lifting his hands up too towards Seungkwan. “Bad idea, Kwannie. He’s the last person to trust here with your pre-med shit.” Seungkwan raises an eyebrow at him.

“And who’s the first one?”

“Minghao probably,” says Soonyoung. “But since Minghao, our brave triple major, isn’t here, I will be happy to help you with any.... _proofreading_ you may have.” He looks humble when he says it, but Seungkwan kicks him underneath the table. All of them laugh.

It takes them no time to settle back into a comfortable silence as they all attend to their own work.

It also takes no time for Soonyoung to raise his voice again, startling Seungkwan, who jitters in his seat next to Mingyu. “Hey, Hansol, how long has it been since you’ve stopped hearing your soulmate?” His voice is small when he asks, as though it is a topic that isn’t allowed to be brought up. Hansol purses his lips, tilting his head back to peer at the ceiling as he thinks on it.

“About a year,” he answers just as quietly.

Mingyu shifts uncomfortably, wishing that he could simply will himself to listen for his soulmate’s thoughts. He often was overthinking any situation that he found himself in, so Mingyu got to listen in to a myriad of stories… or well, he did when he could understand the man’s thoughts. Most of the time, they seemed to be in English. If he caught onto a word, then he’d write it down and try to have Hansol decipher the meaning, but usually he didn’t want to share these thoughts with anyone else. They were private, and even Mingyu himself did not want to be able to listen to them sometimes. It felt like an invasion, but it was the way that things were. It was not like he could switch through his thoughts or turn them on and off like a radio. He was stuck with his soulmate’s dark thoughts, and his soulmate was stuck with his thoughts.

He wondered what he often heard, wondered if his soulmate ever calmed down enough to listen to Mingyu’s thoughts.

“Do you think…?” Mingyu asks suddenly, but finds himself unable to finish the sentence.

Hansol shrugs, looking nonchalant about it now. “Honestly? I probably met him on campus. I don’t have the best memory sometimes, so now I’m just trying to listen and find him. Most of the people I have thought it was usually still hear their soulmates, so… I don’t know. He sang sometimes, so maybe if I heard him sing I’d remember it. I often remember songs better than voices anyway.”

“You wouldn’t recognize your own mother’s voice, would you?” Seungkwan jabs, shaking his head.

Hansol grins, leaning back in his seat as they all share a laugh at his sake. “Hey, what’s up with all of you still though? I haven’t heard any updates this year.”

Soonyoung shrugs, “Mine sounds nicer, at least. I have no idea how to find him, but I’m going to keep looking. Chan says he still can’t really hear anything discernible. Not that that’s bad or anything, but he just says that it is hard for him to really focus on it. I told him to try meditation.”

Nodding, Hansol moves his gaze from Soonyoung to Mingyu. Mingyu shrugs too. “It’s fine. He’s… still there. Thinking all the time. He seems to be planning a trip or something recently, but I can’t really tell for sure.” He begins to chew on his bottom lip. Just when Hansol seems to lose interest in him and move on to Seungkwan, Mingyu holds a finger up. “Minghao said that his soulmate is definitely still alive. He was hoping that she’d disappear sometime during his trip.”

Seungkwan rolls his eyes. “Minghao’s dramatic.”  
  


“Says you,” chimes Hansol and Mingyu.

In response, Seungkwan pushes Mingyu and kicks Hansol. “ _Anyway_ , I’m still hearing my soulmate loud and clear.”

At Seungkwan’s curt reply, everyone exchanges confused looks. Seungkwan always shares any gossip that he gets, so when he doesn’t share the details of his own scant love life, they all realize that there is something deeper going on. Soonyoung breaks the silence up quickly before Seungkwan can get upset at them for suspecting him of withholding anything. “Well, that’s good, at least. We can all rest easy knowing that our soulmates are all weirdos who we may never meet and that Hansol blew his chance by forgetting what their voice sounded like.”

“ _His_ ,” Hansol corrects. “I remember it was a guy.”

Seungkwan rolls his eyes once again. “Great, that assists you wonderfully.”

\--

Minghao calls Mingyu at three in the morning on a Tuesday. He’s got an exam at nine in the morning, then another exam at noon. When he finds himself reaching for his blaring phone, he almost just turns over and ignores it instead. He’s better than that and he knows that if his soulmate is asleep, then his thoughts could seep into whatever dreams he may be having. It’s happened to him before. He tries to stay positive as he rubs his eyes. He can barely make out the name on his screen, but when he does, he answers it without anymore hesitation.

“Fuck, Mingyu,” Minghao says, sounding breathless and irritated. “What were you doing? Sleeping?”

He laughs.

Mingyu grumbles something that he doesn’t even really understand.

“I know it’s late and I apologize. I’ll make it up to you… but I can’t hear her anymore.” He sounds excited, like a child on Christmas morning. Mingyu inhales slowly, then exhales even more slowly. He has to cling onto his consciousness to be able to confirm what Minghao was saying.

He echoes him, “You can’t hear her anymore?” He sits up fully in his bed, rubbing at the back of his neck while holding his phone up to his ear with his other hand. His throat feels dry with anticipation. He wonders if Minghao met her or if she had died suddenly. Something had to have happened for him to stop hearing her voice. Mingyu’s curious, but nervous. He feels this way every time he hears someone say that they no longer can hear their soulmate. He doesn’t want to be unable to hear his. He needs to hear his or he cannot ascertain that he is alright. Over the years, Mingyu has only grown fonder of this stranger whose thoughts he frequently got a chance to listen in on.

“Yeah,” if Mingyu could see him, he’d know how important this moment is for him.

“You sure she’s not just sleeping?” Mingyu asks, just to clear all his bases.

Minghao laughs, still sounding breathless. “I’m _positive_. It’s been _days_ , Mingyu, _days_. I’m here in Hong Kong for a teaching gig and I haven’t heard her for _days_. It’s like a miracle. She just… faded and now I can’t hear her anymore. People say that when they think their soulmates die, it just disappears immediately, but she’s been getting quieter as time has passed.” He laughs, sounding as though he might cry. “I’m _free_ , Mingyu.”

Mingyu can’t help but be happy for him. He smiles into the receiver, trying to convey his happiness for his friend at three in the fucking morning. “Congratulations. I hope it’s everything you ever wanted,” he says. Minghao is still laughing. Mingyu’s chest feels so light.

 _I’m happy for him. I really am. This is all he ever wanted._ It’s hard to be mad at his best friend when it is three in the morning and he has two exams in the morning when his best friend was just released from what he considered a personal type of Hell. Mingyu bids him a good night and settles back into his sheets, exuberant. “See you tomorrow,” Minghao still sounds blissful.

He hopes that he can hold onto this.

There’s a warmth in his thoughts as he drifts back to sleep. His soulmate’s singing the sweetest tune. That’s still something that none of his friends know. It is just another thing about his soulmate that he wants to keep to himself. Anyone could call him selfish for it, but he wants to hold onto this stranger. He could spend a lifetime with his thoughts.

Even the dangerous ones.

He’s thankful that tonight is warm.


	2. hansol's got his hands full

Mingyu doesn’t usually recall his dreams, but this one sticks with him until he’s having lunch in the cafeteria with his friends. His dream was void of scenery, instead all he could do was hear. It was as if someone had placed a blindfold over his eyes, a gag in his mouth. He could not even smell. He lacked all of his senses, except _feeling_ and _hearing_. Even then, he doubted that if he reached out his arms, he could touch anything, except when he did, he met a slender frame and a voice of melancholy. “I haven’t been really happy in a long time,” the voice says, “and now I have even more responsibility placed on my shoulders. All I wanted was to be happy, but it feels like giving up is easier than continuing this charade.” Mingyu wants to comfort him; he tries to move his hands up and down his arms, but he’s unable to find him underneath his fingertips. He’s an apparition that shreds apart whenever he moves now. What was once solid is creeping away from him. “If I don’t show that I can succeed, then what am I? If I keep failing, then that’s all that I’ll ever be. It’s all just so hopeless still. Even when it gets better, it somehow ends up being worse than it ever was. Now I’ll be moving for schools and I’m scared. I’m going to be without my family, without my friends. I don’t want this to be the life I have.” When Mingyu closes his eyes, he can still hear his voice clear as day. It is as though he’s at his ear.

“Hey, dumbass.” Hansol is snapping his fingers in front of Mingyu’s face. “Hey?”

Mingyu’s eyes finally open to reveal the cafeteria. The dream had taken him away, not for the first time today. “Oh,” he remembers what he was doing. Seungkwan has made it a habit of rolling his eyes at his friends. All of his schoolbooks are scattered in front of him, food strategically placed around them precariously. He sits far away from the clumsiest of them. “Sorry, Minghao called in the middle of the night and then I had two exams to take…”

“Minghao called? Is he okay?” Soonyoung lifts his head, mouth full of noodles. He talks around them, clearly thinking that Minghao calling in the middle of the night is important.

Nodding, Mingyu answers him. “Yeah. He said that he stopped hearing his soulmate.” He doesn’t know what to add to any of that. Chan makes a noise that is between a grunt and a cheer; Mingyu understands the emotion. It’s an excited frustration; it’s confusion. It may have been three in the morning, but he definitely had felt it when Minghao had told him. The others seem stunned around him. “He swears he didn’t meet her either. He said it had been days since he’s heard her… said that she just faded away.”

Seungkwan taps his pen on the table. “Maybe she’s comatose. I’ve heard that sometimes in that case, your soulmate can fade away. I doubt that’s the case, but freakier things have happened… like Hansol conveniently forgetting his soulmate’s voice as soon as he stopped hearing it constantly.” He huffs out a sigh, then resumes reading whatever papers he has scattered before him.

Hansol flips his hair, leaning back in his chair. “It isn’t convenient. I can’t stop thinking about it or trying to find him. I mean, I don’t even know if I’ll like him, but isn’t there supposed to be an instant click or something? I mean, this is all ordained by fate.”

“No sparks yet?” Seungkwan looks up at him, pouting. “Poor Hansol. I’m sure that you’ll figure it out in no time. Retrace your steps on the day that you stopped hearing his voice.”

It’s like Seungkwan has said the most revolutionary thing. Hansol’s whole face brightens as he steals a clean sheet of paper from Seungkwan. “I’ll get started on that!” He starts drafting a timeline, but after writing orientation on the paper, he stops suddenly. All the drive slips out of his body. Mingyu shakes his head.

“That’s all you can remember?” He asks, lifting an eyebrow skeptically.

Hansol’s mouth remains open as he pushes his fingers through his hair. “Uh...  I’ll save this for later.” Resigning from his duty already, he folds his makeshift timeline and stuffs it into his backpack. “I’m sure some of it will come back to me.” He waves a hand in front of his face, then returns to his food.

Feeling foggy still, Mingyu picks at his food. Soonyoung picks up on his mood immediately. “You sure that’s all, Mingyu? Maybe you should go take a nap if you are free. I can pick Minghao up from the train station since I don’t have class again until five.” The offer is appreciated. Mingyu feels a weight lift from his chest at the compromise of sleep _and_ being free from driving.

His face lights up. He nods. “Thank you, if there’s anything I can do for you, then let me know.”

“Yeah,” Soonyoung nods. “Just get some rest.”

\--

There’s a crash.

“Lazy ass, get up,” it’s Minghao’s voice. It’s mingled with another voice that he knows, but he can’t put a face to no matter how hard he tries. The voice tells him _it’s alright, it’ll be alright._

When Mingyu finally wakes up, pulling himself from the dreamlike state he was in, he is able to realize that the other voice was his soulmate’s erratic thoughts. He’s trying to calm himself down through something, but Minghao makes it hard to focus on that. He pulls Mingyu’s blanket off of him, then begins to pull on his leg.

Mingyu peers at his friend’s cheeky expression. “Get up, you _owe_ me. I didn’t get to give all the details to Soonyoung because you already told them, so now you have to listen about my trip.” A groan slips from Mingyu’s lips as he fumbles for his phone to check the time and his messages. “It’s almost six, alright? Hansol swung by to try to wake you to help him with the last of the big move, but I went in your stead, like a good friend.” He pulls away from Mingyu, giving him room to jump down from his lofted bed.

“Soonyoung said you weren’t sleeping well,” Minghao comments, turning away to resume unpacking his suitcase. “Did the dreams kick back up again?”

“Yeah,” Mingyu rubs the back of his neck. “He’s still not doing too good. There’s a lot of anxiety in him. I wonder where he’s moving to, because that has him in all kinds of knots.”

Absentmindedly, Minghao gives a noise of affirmation. He’s on his phone, tapping away at his keyboard. It seems that he has important business to attend to; Mingyu thinks that it’s just emails that he has to shift through since he’s been absent for nearly two weeks. Whatever teaching gig that he had atop of running errands for his parents must have had him putting other responsibilities on the back burner.

Mingyu shoves him, _like being a good friend_. “Get off that thing. What about that rant you gave about not being attached to our devices?” He mocks his friend.

It is enough for Minghao to stuff his phone back into his back pocket. “That rant was about social media, not mobile devices, but good try.” Mingyu holds his hands up in surrender. In all honesty, he couldn’t keep up with the rants that he often heard. Minghao’s classes often ended up discussing bizarre topics that got him thinking. Especially at night, Mingyu would hear about random opinions that Minghao would be trying to dig through in order to form a solid opinion about whatever topic was brought up this week.

“Just… let’s go out for dinner and you can tell us about your trip.”

\--

They all meet up at this cheap restaurant that is a short walk away from campus. It is Seungkwan’s favorite place to meet up for dinners because it’s cheap, it has good food, and two of his closest friends worked there part-time. With Seungkwan’s busy schedule, it was rare for him to be able to meet up with all of his friends at once, but meals were his one chance.

Seokmin’s smiling face greets them at the door. “I just got off work, so I can join you today! Jihoon might not make it until later.” The man’s exuberance creates the perfect atmosphere for a respectful meal with friends. Mingyu, himself, is not too close to either Seokmin or Jihoon, but from spending so much time with Seungkwan, he’s spent a lot of time with them as well. Neither one of them were bad people, but Jihoon often threw him for a loop. The small man looks much younger than he is, but acts older than his age. His personality and looks are jarringly dissimilar, so Mingyu realizes that by opting to mind his own business, he might get on better with Jihoon.

Seokmin is a ray of sunshine that Mingyu would be apt to hang out with more if he had any reason to do so. The truth of the matter was that Mingyu just did not hang out with music majors, to any degree, unless Seungkwan forced them upon him.

They come as a package too since they are soulmates, both seemingly estranged from the idea of it all. When asked about it, Seokmin often slyly talks about the merits of a platonic soulmate. It usually is confusing for the others, except for Minghao, who embraces the concept as well. It seems to be a better solution to the problem for him than anything else. Jihoon agrees that there are good reasons why a pair of soulmates may not want to jump into the romantic spark. For one reason, there might not be that spark. For them? There was no spark. It just all made sense and now they are inseparable best friends. They almost resemble Minghao and Mingyu, except it’s rare to see one of them without the other whereas Minghao and Mingyu were often doing their own things.

Seungkwan picks out a table, sitting across from Hansol as usual. Mingyu makes sure to settle himself near Hansol and Minghao. Chan and Soonyoung file in with Seokmin plopping down at the end of the table, allowing for room for Jihoon when he arrived. “So, Hong Kong?” Hansol raises an eyebrow suggestively towards Minghao.

For the first time in a long time, Mingyu watches his friend sputter. There’s a light blush gracing his features that raises questions all along the table. “It was nice,” he nods, looking pointedly towards the wall. “Very relaxing, and a little hectic with the teaching. I thought I was prepared for all that, but I didn’t really actually know what to expect on my first day.” He laughs, shrugs, still won’t make eye contact with anyone at the table.

Underneath the table, Mingyu nudges Minghao’s leg.

Before Minghao can speak again though, the all-knowing eye speaks, fingers clasped in front of him in a scholarly way. For once, there are not papers scattered before him. “Sounds like something went down in Hong Kong,” Seungkwan purses his lips. “I won’t press, but…”

He stops talking and when Mingyu follows his line of sight, he catches Minghao once again on his phone, typing away. On the walk here, it had been the same way. For him, there seems to be something very important that he has to attend to almost every five to ten minutes. “...who is it?” Seungkwan presses, leaning towards. Even Hansol and Chan realize what is going on, or at least what seems to be very likely happening.

“You met your soulmate, didn’t you?” Seokmin says knowingly, smiling.

Minghao’s expression flounders, looking mostly distressed at this situation. “No,” he answers curtly. Then he’s chewing on his lip. That’s not the end of it, but for some reason, he won’t divulge into anymore details. The whole situation seems to make him feel awkward, so Mingyu preps himself to tell everyone to mind their own business.

But Minghao starts again, unexpectedly.

“His name’s Junhui. His soulmate apparently passed away. She was some American girl who was already super sick, so when he stopped hearing her voice, he realized what had happened. Since he knew her diagnosis, and because it was rare, he was able to dig and confirm it.” He says it all in one breath. Everyone seems confused as to why this is remarkable news at first, but Seungkwan lets out a knowing ah.

Leaning back in his seat, Seungkwan simply states what most of them are thinking. “You like this Junhui.”

Minghao just shrugs. “I don’t… know… for sure!”

Hansol laughs, shaking his head. Seungkwan’s gaze pulls away from Minghao to peek at Hansol curiously. “You can have a crush on the guy. You don’t have your soulmate’s voice bothering you anymore and it isn’t like any of us haven’t developed crushes and shit before.”

Seokmin agrees silently, nodding his head.

“Stop talking about it though!” Minghao exclaims, turning away. “Let’s talk about something else… How’s prepping for the big move-in?” He looks towards Hansol.

“Yeah, it’s good.” He replies. “My roommates are supposed to be arriving at the end of the week. I’m getting a bunch from around the world, apparently. It’s exciting, but also terrifying. I have to actually clean up regularly now.” The others chuckle for his sake.

Jihoon arrives just as the food does. Everyone greets him and he settles down near Seokmin. “So…” He starts, not even moments after he’s settled in his seat. “I have now successfully acquired a clip of everyone’s submissions to the university.” Hansol sits up straight in his seat at the same time that Seungkwan does. “Singing, of course. So, you could give it a listen whenever you are free. It took _forever_.” Jihoon shakes his head then sighs. “It’s a pretty large project.”

“Isn’t that against the rules somehow?” Seungkwan asks.

Jihoon shakes his head, pursing his lips. “No, actually it isn’t. I ran it by the administration to make sure it was alright. They said it could be helpful. I mean, Hansol’s soulmate might not have submitted anything or may not even be affiliated with the university, but it’s worth a shot. Plus it’s helpful for others too.”

“Yeah, damn, yeah,” Hansol is grinning from ear-to-ear at Jihoon. “I was trying to come up with a timeline for the day I think I met my soulmate, but damn, this is a good idea.”

Feeling appreciated, Jihoon nods, holding a hand up towards Hansol. “I’d still do whatever else you could too. There are a lot of students here, so I’d try my damnedest to cover all my bases. It’ll take awhile to go through all those submissions too, even for just the ones within two years of you.” Hansol leans back in his seat, less excited, but he understands.

Everyone settles into silence as they eat.

\--

Before they leave, Hansol glances at his phone. “Oh, shit.” Seungkwan peers over his shoulder at his phone screen.

“You already have a roommate coming?”

“Apparently,” Hansol seems nervous, trying to fix his hair and smooth his clothing out. “Damn, I’m going to have to meet him at the house now. Mingyu, you wanna come help?” He extends the offer to the one he knows can successfully cook and clean (and hopefully deal with any other issues that may come up. Mingyu shakes his head in response.

“I’ll have to pass. I need to get to sleep after I finish my homework.” Minghao nods, taking him by the back of the arm. They bid their goodbyes to everyone. Everyone separates and heads their separate ways.

Seungkwan walks with Hansol to his house since they live near each other. “I wonder what he’s like,” he wonders, arms tucked around Hansol’s arm as they walk. “I wonder if he’s handsome.” Hansol chuckles, shaking his head.

“Kwannie, if you want to meet him, then all you have to do is ask. I have extra rooms, so you could stay the night too,” he says. Seungkwan often tries to play coy with him, but he always sees right through it. “I just hope that he hasn’t been here for long, since it’s locked and he’s without a key until I get into the house. I didn’t think any of them were supposed to be here until the end of the week. That’s what they said… that’s what the university said.”

The air is cold. Seungkwan cuddles up closer to Hansol.

When they arrive to the house, a petite man is standing there with bags at his feet and his hands stuffed into his pocket. When he sees Hansol and Seungkwan, his face lights up like the sun. He’s got a smile that is bright, but sees to be hiding something. “I’m Hansol,” he greets, sticking his hand out to shake hands. “This is Seungkwan. I’m guessing from the texts that you are more comfortable with English.”

“Korean, please,” Seungkwan whines.

Hansol pats his arm, switching to Korean after rolling his eyes. “He knows more English than he’ll let on, but he doesn’t like his accent much.”

Their company bows towards Seungkwan. When he speaks, his voice is gentle and kind. “I’m Joshua, or well, Jisoo, but you can call me Joshua. It’s a pleasure to finally get to meet you, and to meet you aswell, Seungkwan. I hope thatwe make quick friends.”

\--

  
Mingyu wonders why he’s thinking of Hansol as he tries to focus on his calculus homework.


	3. the complicated cases of minghao, hansol, and mingyu

“Do you really like that guy?” Soonyoung asks, peering at the mirror-covered wall before him in order to read Minghao’s expression. Both of them are stretching with legs folded before they practice. Light music plays from Soonyoung’s iPod that is docked in the corner of the room. Just as Minghao seems to have found the answer to his question, he poses another one. “Did you really stop hearing your soulmate?” His voice sounds casual, but the soulmate business seems anything but casual to him. Out of all of them, he seems to be the most jittery when it came to the whole system. There is something in Soonyoung that makes him fear his soulmate as much as he wants to embrace the fact that he has a soulmate. If all else fails, he knows that he could manage to make someone happy. He can live like Jihoon and Seokmin with his soulmate. He has this conversation with his friends nearly every two weeks, making sure that he’s got everything nailed down well enough for when his soulmate comes around to meet him.

If he comes around to meet him.

Minghao nods. “I really haven’t heard from her. Junhui thinks she’s sick or was in an accident. We speculated it a lot. I think it’s funny, because I stopped hearing her when I met Junhui…” He covers his face with his hands when he catches Soonyoung’s knowing smile. There’s a shining in his eyes and Minghao knows exactly how he sounds right now. He knows he sounds exactly like a lovesick teenager. He finishes his thought with mumbles from behind his hands. “...I researched it and there have been times when people have stopped hearing their soulmates after meeting someone else, but there’s no depth in that research. I think it’s mad ramblings of people who just… fell in love with someone who wasn’t their soulmate.” He uncovers his face, leaning back to gaze up at the ceiling. “The system isn’t perfect. I mean Jihoon and Seokmin… they aren’t even in love… There’s room for us to fall in love with people who aren’t our soulmates. There’s a margin of error.”

Soonyoung runs his fingers through his blond hair. “You know what you sound like?” He gives Minghao no time to answer, but watches him closely through the mirror. “A mad rambler in love with someone who isn’t your soulmate... “ Minghao’s face changes as he looks anywhere except towards the mirrors. He looks unsure of himself, shy. It’s rare for Soonyoung to see him like this. Soonyoung pulls himself off of the floor, then heads over to help Minghao up as well. “How long have you even known him…? A week?”

“Three weeks,” he replies, looking indignant at the interrogation that he has to go through.

Soonyoung does not mean to speak ill of him in the slightest. He’s simply curious, especially because Minghao does not usually show any romantic interest in the slightest. “I’m going to go start the music,” he announces once he’s helped Minghao off the floor.

When he turns his back to him, Minghao speaks up again. “It isn’t even that I think I’m in love with him, Soonyoung. It’s that… it was so nice to be with someone like him. He saw me to the train station and kissed me goodbye, but… I don’t know what any of it means. I think I just have a crush on him, but it’s nothing… he doesn’t even live here. I can’t even see him regularly.”

“Not with that attitude,” Soonyoung shakes his hips, searching through his songs. “Call him up, Minghao. Ask him what he’s doing next weekend. I would love to meet him. It’ll give us an excuse to go to an actual restaurant instead of Seungkwan’s dive. We can send out a group text and see who is free. We don’t even have to tell them all about it, or we can say that we have a big dance recital up! It’ll be nice.”

Minghao nods to his friend. There’s hope in his heart, even if it’s faint.

\--

Hansol shifts underneath the weight of Seungkwan’s arm. “You are heavy,” he huffs. In response, Seungkwan snores once, then moves dangerously close to the edge of the bed. _If he falls off, so be it,_ Hansol rolls his eyes, trying to hide his smile as he continues rhythmically tapping his pencil against his single sheet of paper. His timeline is starting to come together.

Somewhat.

He knows that he was asleep from midnight to eight in the morning. From there, he cites orientation at ten, then comments on having lunch around twelve with his orientation group. He also went to dinner with his parents around five. The rest of the sheet is blank. He’s trying to fill them in, but instead he just lists extra memories about orientation onto the sheet. He remembers the servers who gave him food and his cashiers, but he had went back to all of them the day after to make sure that they weren’t his soulmates. None of it made any sense to him.

Seungkwan shifts when he sighs. “Morning,” Hansol says quietly, trying not to sound as dejected as he felt. At this point, it was almost painfully impossible to find his soulmate. He had spent time looking before for him, but because he had come up empty-handed, he had given up, but with his friends talking about their soulmates, he decides that he needs to try harder.

He folds his timeline up, opening the drawer beside him and sliding the paper into it. “Morn...ing…” Seungkwan says while yawning, then he snuggles closer to Hansol. “You didn’t make breakfast?” He doesn’t sound disappointed, just curious. When he spends the night, Hansol usually wakes up first to make food.

“No, I just woke up too,” he lies easily, looking away from Seungkwan as he pushes his hair back from his forehead. Seungkwan pulls himself away from Hansol, standing up. There’s a silent second where Hansol thinks that Seungkwan is going to leave, but then he notices his friend stretching. When he lifts his arms up, Hansol catches a glimpse at his stomach and he smiles to himself. There is some mercy within him, but none when it comes to Seungkwan. Before he can turn back around, Hansol pounces and begins tickling him.

“No, no… Hansol!” He gasps, trying to bat him away. “Get off of me! Stop this… stop tickling me!” He’s already breathless, trying to hold himself together between the giggles and light touches. He tries to push Hansol away, but fails every time. “Stop it, Hansol!” He whines, feeling very pouty as he sticks his lower lip out. “Please!” He tries to fold in on himself, but Hansol has him trapped. He ducks down as though he’s going to curl up on the floor.

That’s about the time that Joshua walks past, stopping briefly at Hansol’s open door.

“Shit,” Hansol laughs. “Morning, Joshua.”

Seungkwan gasps, pulling completely away from Hansol. He doesn’t look towards Joshua and instead goes to hide himself near Hansol’s closet. “Good morning,” Joshua says, sounding seemingly unaffected by the scene that he had walked in upon. “Is it alright if I make breakfast?” He is so polite when he speaks. Hansol blinks dumbly at his question, mouth hanging slightly agape before he nods, slowly.

“Yeah,” he answers finally. “Thank you, but feel free to make this your house too… I mean, for the time being, it is.”

Joshua gives him a slow smile. It’s a careful expression, one that wanes with time. While the man appears to be freshly showered, Hansol can see the bags underneath his eyes. He hasn’t slept well or he’s been crying. Hansol decides that it is probably better if he doesn’t comment on it at all. However the boy wants to cope… so be it. If he wants to talk to Hansol, then he’ll be happy to be a shoulder to cry on, but for now, he prefers to stay out of his way. Joshua nods, then takes off towards the kitchen.

Once he’s gone, Seungkwan turns around to face Hansol, face still red. “He’s a quiet one.”

Hansol agrees, climbing out of bed and heading to his closet to get a fresh change of clothes. He throws a t-shirt at Seungkwan, who fumbles, but catches it. _This won’t fit me_ , his expression seems to say, but Hansol just smiles at him. “That’s yours. I washed it. You left it here the last time you spent the night. I hope you don’t mind that I wore it around a little. I don’t have any pants for you though,” he informs him as he pulls out his own outfit.

Seungkwan shrugs, pulling on his pants from last night. Both of them get changed and follow the smell of food into the kitchen.

When Hansol enters, he immediately begins talking to fill the silence. “The rest of our roommates won’t be here until Friday. I haven’t received their info either, so I don’t know much about them, but one of them is coming from Korea. I hope you are happy with your room. I managed to finally move everything in. Minghao and Mingyu, my friends, weren’t available and they would have been a lot more helpful than Seungkwan here.” The jab makes Seungkwan pull a face, pushing Hansol roughly. He takes a seat at the table.

“That’s fine. Do you know how many more are moving in? I noticed four other bedrooms.” Joshua asks, not turning away from the stovetop. He’s concentrating too hard on the food; it is as though this is the only thing that is keeping him together for the moment. “Oh,” he whispers quietly.

Hansol quirks an eyebrow, but answers him. He doesn’t know how Joshua will respond to him prodding him about his odd interjection. Maybe he’s burnt the food. “I know two are definitely coming up. If no one else comes up, then I’m just going to sell out the other rooms to my friends or other students…”

Joshua doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t even nod in response.

His eyebrows are knitted together.

Seungkwan and Hansol exchange a confused look. Maybe some prodding will do. Joshua has frozen like a statue and Hansol, admittedly, fears for the quality of the food. “...uh, hey, what’s up? You still there?” Hansol asks, poking Joshua on the shoulder lightly, unable to predict his response.

Joshua shakes his head, mouth dropping open in surprise. He studies Hansol carefully and what he says surprises both Seungkwan and Hansol. “I think… my soulmate knows you?”

“Huh,” Hansol licks his lips, pushing his hair back. _That isn’t a very narrow list._

\--

“I have classes until, like, eight,” Minghao whines into the receiver. “It’s _unfair_.”

Mingyu cannot hear whoever he is talking to, but he does know that Minghao’s been talking to him since he woke up. It’d be annoying if this isn’t such a rare sight. “So, no dinner tonight?” Mingyu asks, trying not to eavesdrop too much into his conversation. Minghao shakes his head. “I’ll tell the group then.”

He pulls out his phone. **5 New Messages** lights up his screen. He taps on the group messenger.

 **Seungkwan** : _Can someone bring me pants? I have to be in class by 11._

 **Minghao** : _Ask Hansol._

 **Seungkwan** : _I’m at his place with his new roommate right now and both of them are way too small for me._

 **Seokmin** : _I can drop them off on my way to campus._

 **Seungkwan** : _Thank you!_

 **Hansol** : _I think that my roommate is somebody’s soulmate… Soonyoung? Mingyu? Up for lunch at two?_

“Minghao…?” Mingyu’s hands are shaking as he reads Hansol’s message, then rereads it.

His palms feel sweaty and his throat feels tight. _What are the chances? They are way too slim for this to be real. There’s… no way._ He breathes in, counts to ten, exhales. “Minghao…?” He repeats, but more anxiously. His voice trembles and Minghao senses the change in the mood.

“Call you after class,” he says quickly. “Mingyu needs me.” He hangs up his phone and climbs down from his bed. “Hey, hey… what’s up?” He catches a glimpse of Mingyu’s phone screen before Mingyu is shoving it towards him.

He reads the messages, scrolling slowly, then… “Oh,” he sucks his bottom lip into his mouth. “Could it be?”

“It couldn’t be,” Mingyu responds. “How could it be?”

Minghao shrugs, passing Mingyu’s phone back to him. “Man…”

“My soulmate was thinking about Hansol last night… I thought it was just… me being weird, but… what if…” Mingyu cannot finish his thought. Anxiety pools deep in his stomach. He feels restless suddenly, crossing the room to brew coffee with tremors in his hands. Minghao watches him closely, then lets out a laugh.

“This is good, Mingyu! You’ve wanted this for so long! There are people who never have met their soulmates; people that never will!” Minghao claps his hands against Mingyu’s shoulders supportingly.

He’s right, but the prospect of finally meeting his soulmate gives him an incredible form of anticipation and anxiety. It makes him feel as though he’s on autopilot, or that his body is not truly his own. There is too many factors that he has to consider. When it all comes down to it, Mingyu doesn’t know much about his soulmate. He knows pieces that he’s gathered throughout the many years that they’ve spent together, but apart. He wonders if he’ll even recognize him when he sees him, when he hears him. He exhales shakily. Minghao takes over the coffee making activity.

“So… lunch?” Minghao lifts an eyebrow.

Mingyu makes a strangled noise. “Class until three…”

“Hansol has class at three, oh man…” Minghao chews on his lip, trying to focus on both issues at hand. The coffee is coming together better than Mingyu is. “Maybe, huh. I know we can all have lunch together tomorrow. We always do on Thursday. If that falls through then… there’s the weekend… Junhui is coming up then too.”

This is news to Mingyu, who snaps out his stupor so that he can stare at his best friend. “What?” He says, sounding surprised, which is the wrong reaction to have because Minghao looks like he’s about to shut down. “I mean, I didn’t know about this. You didn’t tell me…”

“I didn’t want it to be a… thing, you know?” He shrugs, letting the coffee heat up, walking away from it for the moment. “I thought if I didn’t really talk about it, no one would really… get all hyped for it.”

“Damn, Minghao, it’s Wednesday. He’ll be up here soon enough.” Mingyu comments. “Doesn’t that terrify you?” It shocks Mingyu down to his core. All of his friends are meeting their soulmates. He feels strangely odd about it all. It feels like everything, yet nothing, is changing.

Minghao’s voice is quiet as it usually is when he talks about Junhui. “Nothing about him terrifies me. I can’t stop looking forward to seeing him again. Everyday is moving too slow.”

 _Oh_ , Mingyu thinks.

He feels his insides churn uncomfortable after he hears Minghao’s answer. The sureness of his voice and the honesty of it makes Mingyu feel hotheaded, resentful. He no longer can look at his friend, so he looks around the room. He looks at anything that isn’t Minghao, who he fears is the sole reason for this anger. It’s red hot, uncomfortable. In terms of anger, Mingyu is level-headed. Anger has never been his go to, instead it was annoyance, but his hands are still trembling and his teeth are clenched. He wants to silence Minghao, but it he was the one who had posed the question. Minghao had just been answering it, showing his true feelings towards a man who he’s met and he hopes to be with.

 _Oh_ , Mingyu thinks again.

He’s not angry. He’s jealous.

\--

“Oh,” Joshua’s eyes open immediately from underneath the spray of hot water.

The thoughts belonging to his soulmate often were boring (in a sort of way). The other boy usually only thought back on good parts of the day. When he had bursts of other emotions, it was always in a spur-of-the-moment moment. The anger in his thoughts comes as a shock to Joshua, who pulls away from the hot water. He had burdened his soulmate with his dark thoughts, but his had tried to never weigh his shoulders down with any ill feelings. Why now? Joshua ponders, stepping out of the shower.

He gets dressed and meets Hansol in the hallway as he’s pulling on a cardigan. “Hey,” Hansol nods. “What’s up? When’s your first class…? Maybe we can walk together, I can show you around since you are new and everything.” The offer is delivered politely and Joshua doesn’t decline it. He doubts he could if he wanted to, simply because he has no idea what to expect once he leaves this place.

“I don’t have class until noon.” He answers lowly, trying to hide his anxiety by folding his hands.

Hansol nods, a grin overtaking his features. “Cool, awesome, we can walk together then.”

Just as Hansol is about to leave, Joshua reaches out to catch his shoulder, switching to English. “Can I speak to you about something? I figure since you’ve met your soulmate, you might be able to calm my nerves.” The look that Hansol responds with is full of confusion. His grin turns silly as he quirks his eyebrows, trying to disengage the awkward, lengthy eye contact between them.

“Sure…?” He sounds unsure, catching Joshua off-guard. “Did Seungkwan tell you about this?”

“Um…” Joshua chews on his lip, suddenly feeling nervous. “I just figured… this morning…” Hansol still isn’t catching on, so he just says it. “Seungkwan and you? I thought you might be soulmates. I have a friend back home who found his soulmate and they act that cheesy together, so I just… assumed, I’m so sorry.” He bows his head.

Hansol actually laughs. “Seungkwan? Nah,” he shakes his head. “He still hears his soulmate, but I _have_ met mine. I just… can’t _find_ them. I know they are on campus somewhere.” He makes an uncomfortable noise that sticks to the back of his throat. Joshua has just reminded him that he has thousands of voices to go through _and_ a timeline to continue mapping. “It’s okay that you mistook us as soulmates though. It isn’t like it is the first time someone’s done that to us.”

Silence settles over them. Joshua appears as though he wishes he could melt through the floor and disappear from time forever. Hansol does not know how to remedy that expression. He shifts his weight, unsure and hesitant.

Then he realizes that Joshua’s never really asked him whatever he wanted to. “Oh, so… what was it that you wanted to know?” Hansol asks, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “I might not be loads of help anymore, but I could try.”

“Did you ever get anxious about meeting them? Like… so anxious you couldn’t calm down no matter how hard you tried?” He asks, tangling and untangling his fingers together. Hansol purses his lips in thought, gaze lifting up to the ceiling as he thinks. Joshua doesn’t know how he should feel, but he knows that his friend, Jeonghan had never been nervous about it. It’s inevitable, he had said. _If you get to meet them, that is… it’s inevitable._

Hansol laughs, showing his teeth as he shakes his head. “I was a little, but it’s been a year since I’ve met my soulmate. The day I met him, I didn’t even realize it until the next morning when I wasn’t hearing his thoughts any longer. It’s really hard to chase back that day…” He rubs the back of his neck, turning away from Joshua to grab his backpack off the coat rack. “...anyways, I think it’s nervous to be anxious. I’m also not trying to say that I definitely know your soulmate, but I think I should introduce you to these two idiots who haven’t met their soulmates. It could just be someone in one of my classes and they caught on that you were thinking about me.”

A shrug.

Joshua wishes that he could shrug in this situation.

“Oh, but none of them can do lunch at two. So, how about dinner at five?”

\--

 **Soonyoung** : _I have dance practice at five! Minghao and Chan too…_

 **Mingyu** : _I’m free, but it might be awkward having the dinner without everyone._

 **Seungkwan** : _We oould just wait until tomorrow._

 **Hansol** : _Nope, Joshua’s got a class at our dinner time and a meeting at our lunch time._

“Shit,” Mingyu curses.

Chan looks up at him, eyes wide. “What’s up?”

He shakes his head, trying to minimize the problem. “It’s nothing. We just can’t meet Joshua today or tomorrow. We’ll have to wait until Friday.”

“That’s only two days away,” Chan reasons. “...or you can just go meet him without all of us there holding your hands. You are an adult, Mingyu. Either he’s your soulmate or he’s not. I’d just say go for it. Minghao doesn’t have to be there to cheer you on.”

Chan’s not wrong.

This is his soulmate in question. Mingyu cuts out of his line, rushing towards the exit of the cafeteria. Chan waves to him, seemingly both confused and excited, but not hurt by his friend’s early departure. _I owe him,_ Mingyu thinks, especially considering everyone else cancelled on him for breakfast since they either wanted to sleep in or had class.

When he leaves, he realizes that he has no clue what his soulmate looks like. Hansol never described him, but he was never required to do that. Mingyu sighs, running his hands through his hair as he tries to reason with himself where Hansol’s classes might be. There’s no building designated for film classes, so he moves on to wonder whether or not he might be in the telecommunications building. _Do I have time to look for him?_ He glances at the clock tower. With twenty minutes to class and his building nearer to the cafeteria that Chan and he were eating within, it would not be a rational idea.

He runs his hands through his hair, watching the bustling of students going from building to building. There’s nothing he can do right now. He should have known that. He should not have just walked out of the cafeteria when he had no plan to back up his spontaneous, yet romantic, move. He continues glancing around, hoping to see a similar face within the crowd. Even if he found his soulmate, they still have to meet before he’ll know for sure.

He wishes that he had pamphlets to hand out. At least he wouldn’t seem so awkward.

With his height, he towers over the other students around him.

\--

“Jeonghan, I’m telling you… I think my soulmate is here.” Joshua says into his cell phone. Hansol had left him, saying that his class was nestled within the rather large telecommunications building. Joshua had to go to the arts and humanities building in order to find his class. He walks around aimlessly, paying more attention to Jeonghan and using the library as a landmark that tells him where he’s located.

He hears Jeonghan inhale. It feels like forever has past before he’s exhaled. “Really?” He asks, voice skeptical. “What are the chances, Joshie? You move exactly where your soulmate lives?’

He shrugs in response. “Seungcheol did just that. He said there was a pull, or something.”

“Maybe,” Jeonghan chuckles. “Maybe he’s just trying to be an emotional, old romantic.”

Joshua laughs too. It is light and airy. He feels like he might suffocate if he keeps talking about possibly meeting his soulmate. “Maybe…” He says, “...but hey, I’m almost at my building, so I’ll switch to texting you.”

Jeonghan and him bid each other good days, hanging up the call.

\--

Mingyu gives up. There’s no way of even knowing if his soulmate will take this path to his class.

Shaking his head, he decides to just head to class. It doesn’t matter if he gets there early with an empty stomach. He’ll just make a detour to the vending machine so that he doesn’t disturb his class with rumbling from his stomach. “Fine,” he agrees with the more rational part of himself. He pushes off of the tree that he was leaning on.

A book falls out of his backpack, plopping to the floor unceremoniously. He doesn’t even notice until there’s a hand at the back of his arm, “I think you dropped this.”

His heart falls through to his feet, then bounces back up to his chest. It pounds out a thunderous, painful beat. It feels as though it’s on its back-up generator now, but it’s overworking itself, so it’ll eventually die out. He gulps, turning around too slowly. He knows that his mind will echo later, void of his sweet voice, of his gentle humming, his melodious singing.

All of it will be given up for this moment.

Mingyu turns around. “Thanks,” he swallows.

Realization collects on his company’s face. “Thanks,” he echoes meaninglessly. Maybe it’s not even meant for Mingyu. Perhaps he’s thanking some higher power for allowing this meeting.

His chest rises and falls. He doesn’t let go of the book or Mingyu’s arm. Both of their mouths feel dry, like a desert plain. There are no words that either of them can come up with in order to move past this moment. Mingyu thinks that if it weren’t so awkward, then he’d live in this moment forever. His soulmate’s smooth, petite features are handsome and stupidly endearing.

“I’m Mingyu,” he licks his lips, trying to dry them to no avail.

“Joshua,” he confirms that he’s Hansol’s roommate. “It’s… _so nice_ to meet you.”

Mingyu’s chest feels tight. He thinks that he might cry. It feels ridiculously silly. “It’s nice to meet you too.” He finally takes his book from Joshua, also finally looking away from him to take his backpack off in order to replace his book and successfully, fully zip his pack up. “It’s going to be lonely in class now… without you.” He says. It sounds absolutely embarrassing to say it aloud, but Joshua seems to think otherwise as his complexion slowly changes from pink to red.

“We’re going to be late,” Joshua whispers, hand removing itself from Mingyu’s arm. His fingertips brush against his skin, following the length of his arm down to his hand where Joshua seems to remember himself and snaps away from Mingyu. “It’s my… first day of classes.”

Mingyu quirks an eyebrow. “I thought you didn’t officially start until next week?”

The air is thin around them, so thin that Joshua feels like he’s suffocating. He doesn’t understand how everyone else around him is breathing so easily. It seems impossible for him to draw in breath and hold it. Mingyu’s charming smile is hanging there.

Joshua doesn’t know what to say, but he knows what he wants to say. “So…?” He sounds winded, but he’s trying to seem charming.

Mingyu raises an eyebrow. “I can’t just walk away from you,” he admits, painfully shy in deliverance as the smug, flirtatious look is wiped off his face. He’s soft, too soft to try to flirt Joshua out of going to class. Honesty drips from his lips instead. “I’ve been waiting years for this.”

“Me too…” Joshua whispers, pulling his gaze away from him. “But we’re going to have to wait a couple more hours too. I can’t skip class after emailing all my professors to let them know I got in early.” It’s hard for him to say no to Mingyu, but not because he wants to say no, but because he knows that he has to say no. “It’s my only class today.”

“Lunch?” Mingyu asks and it almost sounds like a plea. “Does three work?”

Joshua nods, then he’s hurrying away from Mingyu without even setting up where to meet.

Mingyu cannot help but to smile to himself as he heads to class.


	4. time's not the only thing that moves fast

 

The hands of the clock are broken. That’s the only answer that Mingyu can find. His phone is also broken. The person sitting to his right’s phone is also broken. The person to his left’s phone? Broken as well. There was no way that time suddenly decided to move this slow. He had managed to get through his first class, opening his messenger to tell everyone about Joshua. He stared at the screen, reading through the messages between Seungkwan, Seokmin, and Hansol that discussed whether Seokmin should save money and move in with Hansol or if he should just grin and bear it in his dorm. There is the issue of Jihoon that is brought up by Jihoon himself as apparently they have an agreement to live together whenever possible.

 

He puts his phone up, heading to his next class.

 

It’s better if he keeps this to himself for now. Without Joshua’s quiet voice echoing in his mind, he needs some part of him to cling to that isn’t broken or anxious. The shy yet endearing look on Joshua’s face when they were setting up for lunch was soft and open. It was hard to believe that those dark thoughts about life being hopeless came from him. Their meeting plays over and over in his mind while he’s in class. He turns over every millisecond in his head until he’s sure that every frame is burnt into his memory. This is something that he never wants to let go of ever. Joshua’s hand at the back of his arm, the fluttering in his stomach, the loss of breath he experienced: all of these composed a moment so intricately important to Mingyu. Just one single moment was all that they were, but Mingyu wanted to live in them.

 

He couldn’t imagine how lunch would be. After getting Joshua’s number from Hansol after the break (with no interrogation save for a few questions), he sets it up that they will meet at a nearby cafe. It makes him feel light. His stomach rolls as though he’s about to get on a roller coaster; it lurches as though time is going too fast.

 

A risky peek towards the clock lets Mingyu know that the hands are forever trapped at two-thirty. He pulls his phone out to glance at the time and resists the urge to toss the handheld device across the room. Restlessly, he shifts in his seat. When the professor asks him to read, he tells him, conveniently, he has suddenly forgotten how to read. The letters swim around in his head, but he cannot attach them together to form words. His English course is perhaps the worst for him to daydream in, but he gives today’s lesson up so that he can prep his mind for lunch, for Joshua. The look that his professor gives him is disappointed and agitated, but Mingyu pretends not to notice. It’s easier that way.

 

When the clock finally starts to move again, he leaves before the professor is even finished announcing homework. Later, he’ll regret that, especially when he’ll have to reach out to his professor or his fellows students to ask them what the homework was.

 

\--

 

The air is too thin still. He’s been living on another planet ever since he’s departed from Mingyu. A planet where the air is too thin and the sun is too close. He’s not quite sure what it’s like on Venus, if the air is actually thinner or thicker, but he’s sure that this sensation that he’s experiencing is the closest anyone could get to living on Venus without any protective gear. His breaths are shallow, nervous. He gets to his class early and his professor keeps him up-to-date with where they are in the book and the lecture. Joshua nods as though he speaks Korean, but in reality, he’s forgotten the entire language. Now, he only speaks the native, human language of Venus: instant, spontaneous death. “Thank you,” he replies in English. His professor blinks dumbly in response. Joshua decides that taking a seat would be the best option for him now.

 

Class goes by too fast. It’s a flurry of movement, of changing seats and group work where Joshua sits there quietly, fumbling in Korean. He gives out the ideas that he can manage, but his eyes cannot stop drifting to the clock. It’s only when his group member snorts, catching him as he is once again looking towards the clock, that he snaps out of it for a moment. His eyes travel to evaluate him. He’s got curly platinum blond hair and gentle eyes, but the words he’s spilled during class are anything but gentle. He cuts straight to the point.

 

“What’s up? You have something going on after class?” He raises an eyebrow, leaning back in his seat. “Meeting your soulmate?” When he says it, it sounds like the worst excuse for not paying attention. Joshua’s eyes widen as he realizes what he’s doing to his group. Expending their time by paying no attention and contributing nothing to their conversations. The schooling that they all have paid for is being squandered because, as the group member rightly suggest, he’s going to meet his soulmate two hours after class.

 

“I’m sorry,” he apologies sincerely, bowing his head. The group members exchange a look while he’s bowed and the same member speaks again.

 

“Yeah? Just pay attention. I’m not asking for an apology,” he’s appreciative of the apology, but he quickly hides his expression in an attempt to maintain the cool facade that he had put up when he had originally poked fun at Joshua. He seems to be flustered now that Joshua has actually apologized for his behavior. “We all have our off days,” he says, voice almost a whisper, then pulls out his phone.

 

Joshua nods, gaze landing upon the worksheet that had been passed out. It was supposed to help outline the discussions in the groups as the answers to the questions were discovered. Even as he reads the questions and instructions, he thinks about Mingyu. Paying attention just doesn’t work for him as the group member on his phone places it down and waves a hand in front of Joshua’ face. “Hey?” He asks, pursing his lips. His expression is pulled, seemingly confused. “Are you okay…? You are really out of it…”

 

“Sorry,” Joshua apologizes again. “You were right…”

 

Hand falling to the desk, his classmate cocks his head like a confused puppy. “Huh?”

 

“I’m meeting up with my soulmate after this. We… just ran into each onto before this class, so we didn’t really have any time to talk. To top it off, I just arrived last night too, so this is all happening really quickly.” With his admittance comes his classmate’s silence. No response is given to him as he waits for even a nod, but when he realizes that he may not be getting any type of response, he lifts his eyebrows, muttering an okay? before returning to his work.

 

The man seemingly snaps out of his stupor, hitting his hand off of Joshua’s desk in excitement. When Joshua looks back at him, his eyes glimmer with amusement and happiness. “I can’t believe I didn’t realize it when you introduced yourself…” He shakes his head. “Your soulmate is my roommate, Mingyu? Damn, he’s going to get his ass kicked later for not being the first to tell me about this…” He shakes his head, tilting it up to stare at the ceiling. Joshua can only look on in minor amazement on how fate seemed to be having its own way with him today. First Hansol and Seungkwan, then Mingyu, and now… “I’m Minghao,” he gives Joshua a softer smile. It seems to suit him more than his previous expressions of confusion and annoyance.

 

“Joshua,” he says needlessly. “It’s nice to meet you.”

 

Minghao nods. “It’s nice to meet you too,” then he laughs. “Although, watching you pine over the clock and knowing it’s for my nerd of a roommate... “ More laughter falls from him as he leans even further back into his seat. He disrupts those seated around him as he shakes his head, unable to hold back his laughter. “It’s endearing, at least. I’m glad you are excited to be able to get to know him. He deserves that.”

 

Dumbfoundedly, Joshua simply nods in response.

 

\--

 

“How’s that timeline coming?” Seungkwan asks, perching himself on the edge of Hansol’s seat in the library. There’s no way that both of them would ever be able to sit on the chair together, but Hansol moves over to give Seungkwan as much room as he can. In response, Seungkwan drapes an arm over Hansol. “...or the vocal library if that’s what you are working on now.”

 

He laughs, shaking his head. “That library is way too extensive. I open it and lose all motivation to search through the files, but I feel bad since Jihoon put it together for me.” He chews on his lip, opening the cloud system to show Seungkwan just how many people there apparently were who had at least tried out for the singing program. “See? I even set parameters, so this isn’t even all of them.”

 

Seungkwan whistles low as a reply, then glances towards Hansol trying to gauge his expression. It has been easy now that they are close. In the year that they have spent together, they have become quick friends, so Seungkwan picks up on Hansol’s discomfort effortlessly. “What is it?” He asks, hand dropping to rub gentle circles against his back. Touches like these are normal between them, but Seungkwan usually is the tough love type when it comes to issues. Apparently, today he’s feeling generous with his kindness.

 

Hansol shakes his head. “It’s stupid. I’ve just been… hyper-focused on this since… Mingyu asked for Joshua’s number. I think that might be the answer to that mystery.” He closes his eyes, leaning back into Seungkwan’s touch.

 

“Oh,” Seungkwan knits his eyebrows together. “Good for them.”

 

“Yeah, good for them,” He echoes. “Meanwhile, I forgot the voice of my soulmate. How does a person do that? How?” From somewhere deep within Hansol, there’s a crash. His insides all fall down upon one another. With his insides scrambled, he feels both nauseous and uneasy. His homework had been put aside for this, and now it seems as though everything in his life would have to be put aside for this or he may never locate his soulmate. Seokmin and Jihoon had informed all of them that meeting one’s soulmate reduced all the stress and after a few days, reduced the starry-eyed newness as well. Jihoon had been able refocus on his priorities within two days after meeting Seokmin. Seokmin had been able to return to normal after a similar time period. In their early-to-mid-twenties, humans just seemed to conjure a general anxiety for locating their soulmate.

 

With Hansol’s so close to him, his anxiety is increased until he’s hardly able to focus on anything that isn’t trying to find his soulmate. If he doesn’t, then he would end up alone. All of his other friends were scrambling about quickly in need to find their soulmate, if necessary. The biological function that drove them to search and travel to meet up with them were in high gear for most people who have had the misfortune of missing out on meeting with their soulmate or who couldn’t travel to meet up with them because they were across the world.

 

A realization washes upon Hansol in waves. “Hey…?” He whispers, turning to look at Seungkwan. His face is mere inches from his own. Hansol swallows hard, feeling nervous.

 

“Hm?” Seungkwan yawns, not turning to peer at Hansol, instead he’s scrolling through the library of vocals that Hansol had pulled up. The names of various students littered on the files. When Hansol does not respond, Seungkwan finally turns to look at them. “What is it, Hansol?”

 

He looks so unsure. As soon as the question leaves his lips, he knows that he doesn’t want to be asking Seungkwan about this. It feels like an invasion of privacy and he realizes that he doesn’t want to know the answer anyways once it is out there. “Why haven’t you been searching for your soulmate?” Hansol asks, gazing up from behind his eyelashes. For once,he’s coy towards Seungkwan. Painfully shy, he waits.

 

Seungkwan looks at him as if the answer is obvious.

 

“He’s in a different country, I’m pretty sure. I don’t have the funds to travel to find him right now. Clearly, putting it off is for the best. Men don’t reproduce, so there’s none of that need within me, so I’d just prefer to get through school for now. When I’m a rich pharmacist or doctor, then I can relax and find him,” he shrugs. “You can defeat the voice in your head if you use reason. The trouble with you is that reason is telling you that for the next two years, your soulmate might be on campus with you, so after that, it’s all up in the air.”

 

Hansol exhales slowly, pursing his lips. “Yeah…”

 

Seungkwan continues to rub his back. “You’ll find him. We can listen to the vocals together.”

 

\--

 

Mingyu sees Minghao before he sees Joshua.

 

Annoyance claws up his spine as he flushes. “I thought you couldn’t make lunch at three,” Mingyu says, walking towards Minghao who is toting a quiet Joshua. “I thought you had class until eight…?” He continues, stopping in front of them as they settle themselves in front of the cafe. Minghao puffs his cheeks out, looking more adorable than threatening when he pokes a finger into Mingyu’s chest.

 

“You didn’t tell me,” he pouts.

 

Mingyu swats his finger away gently. “I was going to later, I thought you were busy!”

 

Quietly, Joshua joins, “I’m in Minghao’s psychology of motivation course.”

 

The look that Mingyu gives him is incredulous, but it makes Joshua smile. His whole face lights up as he giggles, putting a hand in front of his mouth to cover the sound up. Minghao, beside him, groans uncomfortably, but dramatically.

 

“Jeonghan always told me it was like an after-sex glow without the sex, usually.” Joshua says. “It wears off after a couple days.”

 

Minghao rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I’ve never witnessed the meeting of soulmate’s, but your friend sounds just about damn right.” He blushes, thinking on what Joshua had said. “Well, I really do have class, so I’m headed off. I just thought I’d walk with him and scare you into thinking I was going to crash your date.”

 

Mingyu’s about to tell him that it isn’t a date, but he doesn’t know the validity of that statement and before he can say anything, Joshua is bidding him farewell, waving after him excitedly. Admittedly, when he sees him like this, he cannot believe that the voice he heard regularly and this boy are the same people. Perhaps it is just the meeting that is making him feel somewhat positively now, but either way, it makes Mingyu feel odd. it reinforces the fact that Mingyu doesn’t know a thing about this Joshua. He knows a thing about a Joshua that is buried away under layers and layers of professionalism, of jokes, of smiles and pleasantries.

 

He holds the door open for Mingyu. “Let’s go, I’m starved.”

 

It begins.

 

Mingyu’s hands shake as he hides them underneath the table. Joshua smiles like the sun; it blinds him and makes him feel jittery as he sits across from him, sipping a latte that he doesn’t really care for since he can make anything that this place has to offer better with more taste. This place had never let him down before with the taste of food, but now everything is tasteless. He wonders if he burnt his tongue. He wonders if something’s wrong with him. Joshua seems to be enjoying his food as he takes careful bites from it. When he drinks, it’s poised and graceful. Mingyu has never felt more out of his element and this isn’t even his first date with someone.

 

“Tell me something,” Mingyu sputters, nearly knocking over his uncapped coffee onto the table.

 

“Like what?” He asks, tilting his head. There’s only curiosity in his gaze. A playful smile tugs on his lips. “I could tell you the sky is blue and the grass is green.”

 

He clarifies, “About yourself.”

 

The smile is still on his face, but it transforms and softens. “About me? I’m from California. I can speak pretty fluently in five languages. I can play the guitar.” A shrug.

 

Mingyu cuts him off before he can continue. “You can sing.”

 

A faint blush overtakes his features. “I can sorta sing…” He half-heartedly agrees, ducking his head so that he can hide as he takes a sip from his drink. “That’s embarrassing, I never even thought about how you might have heard me singing inside my head while I did things. Songs get stuck in my head easily.”

 

“You usually sang when i was drifting off to sleep. It was nice. You shouldn’t be embarrassed when you have a voice like that,” he says. It’s an honest proclamation. He turns a deeper shade of red as he realizes how he is doting on Joshua already. There’s something awkward in the air that makes their compliments weigh heavy, but there is also too much happiness. Mingyu cannot stop himself from smiling. When he catches himself doing it, he tries to wipe the smile from his face, but Joshua will catch it and smile. It’s cheesy. They are so happy to be sitting across from each other. They cannot look away from one another. This was the dream. This is always the dream of any pair of soulmates, platonic or not. Happiness was what everyone got out of the relationship.

 

Minghao could have even been happy with his soulmate, in a way. She probably would have understood that he didn’t want to be with her and after they met, they would have departed easily because that’s what soulmates did for one another. More than anyone, they understood the needs of their partners. Mingyu understood that Joshua needed for them to be happy now.

 

That’s why he doesn’t mention those darker thoughts.

 

“What about you?” Joshua sits up in his seat excitedly, leaning across the table as he cups his drink with his hands. “Tell me something about you.”

 

Pursing his lips, Mingyu gives him a similar answer to his own. The exchange of simple things felt better than divulging into all of their secrets. They knew each other’s secrets, but what they didn’t know… that was the easy stuff. The stuff that Mingyu could recite about Minghao, Seungkwan, Hansol. The stuff that Joshua knew about Jeonghan. These were the things that they were yet to uncover about one another. “I’m left-handed,” he says. “I like to clean and cook a lot, it’s important. A lot of people don’t realize that it needs to be done, but I think that isn’t important to both notice that it needs to be done and to take care of it. I’m lucky that Minghao cleans too, or I’d be constantly trying to keep the dorms clean. Actually… when I lived with Hansol and Soonyoung, I had to clean up a lot after them. Hansol apparently still tries to invite me over to cook and help out since he’s rented that big place out to people…”

 

He stops, realizing how stupid he had just sounded.

 

Joshua bites down on his lip, unable to hide his smile. He’s still leaning forward in interest. Mingyu thinks he must enjoy boring stories because he’s listening in rapt, active attention to him talk about cleaning. If he could rewind time, he would. He would tell Joshua about some other activity that he liked to engage in. Some activity that didn’t make him sound like a housewife or a maid. He felt like an utter fool in that moment, but Joshua was looking at him as though he was anything but that. He seemed genuinely interested.

 

If he could still hear Joshua’s thoughts, then he would know that he thought of him as nothing but endearing when he told his mini-story.

 

“Do you help Hansol when he asks you?” He asks, placing his chin in one of his hands and sticking a finger into the froth of his coffee. Mingyu can’t help but to watch as he licks it off of his finger. Immediately, he snaps out of it though.

 

He nods. “Sometimes. Sometimes I’m busy with schoolwork, but I like to help him when I can.”

 

Joshua follows, nodding. “That’s nice of you…”

 

Lunch turns out well. They depart because Mingyu has one more class for the day.

 

Before they separate, Joshua squeezes Mingyu’s upper arm with a smile on his face. “You know...  I wouldn’t be too upset if you were less busy and you could help Hansol out a little more.” The look on his face is innocent, but his voice is anything but. He wonders if this is how Joshua was. On the outside everything was so different than the inside. Mingyu’s stomach feels as light as the pressure on his arm. He wants to say and do so many different things, but he’s just met Joshua. He doesn’t want to misinterpret what he means. When Joshua’s expression changes for the most brief moment, he catches him pout, gently bite down on his bottom lip, then release it. His face is back to normal and his touch is gone. “I’ll be seeing you!” He turns back around and waves at Mingyu with both of his hands.

 

“Yeah,” Mingyu’s mouth is dry. He doesn’t know how he’s lived so long without him.

 

\--

 

“Gross,” Minghao wrinkles his nose. “I don’t want to hear anymore gushy shit from you, Mingyu. it is unsettling and weird. I haven’t heard you talk about this sort of thing in years. The last date you went on was… about three years ago.” He shakes his head, goes back to sorting through his cds. “I have to leave though. Dance practice and all that.” He jazz hands as he backs up out of the room. Mingyu buries his face into his pillow, ignoring the soft ding of his phone.

 

\--

 

“You are rushing things already, aren’t you?” Jeonghan says, voice crackling mechanically. “Sorry, this microphone is shit. I’ll be sure to go out with Seungcheol and get a new one before we call again… but that’s not why I called. It’s not like you to flirt with someone so soon into knowing them. I understand that it’ll always be different with soulmates, but this is unusual for you, Joshua. I think that you should keep it slow. He’s not just going to up and leave, or reject you for some reason. I think he would have done it already if he was going to do that. I think what’s important is that you focus on building the relationship up. Ideally, you two are strangers.”

 

Joshua sighs.

 

Jeonghan interjects, “Even if you see it differently.”

 

The noise that slips from Joshua’s mouth is of irritation, but he has to concede that Jeonghan is making sense. “The only problem is… is that you’ve known your soulmate since you’ve heard his voice. You literally have always lived in the same place. You have a lifetime to be together and to take your time. I’ve already wasted ten years without him.” Another sigh; this time it is of resignation. “I’m not rushing it. I won’t. He’s just making me happy. It’s been awhile…”

 

“...since you’ve been happy, I know.” Jeonghan is quiet when he speaks, looking away from the camera. He pushes his hair back while he tries to think of what Joshua might need to hear. He wishes that he could just be with him through this, through everything. “Listen, it’s good that he makes you happy. If you take it slow, then the happiness is just bound to last even longer…”

 

What Joshua didn’t need to hear came next. “He knows about your troubles and about your depression. You two might not bring it up, but it’ll just build up and fester. You have to take care of it so that you two can be strong together.” A gentle smile is given, but Joshua cannot but to look helplessly at his best friend.

 

It’s true that Mingyu knew more than Joshua wishes he did, but he couldn’t know for sure what Mingyu had listened to. Mingyu could have been asleep or preoccupied while he was feeling down on himself. While he moped and gave up his happiness, Mingyu could have been feeling grateful for what he had. Mingyu always had had happier thoughts: thoughts that Joshua didn’t think he deserved to get a peek at because of how sweet they were… how optimistic. Joshua considered himself optimistic too, but things started to get hard when he had to step into the role of adult. Things had been hard while he was working on stepping up to the role.

 

“Okay,” he nods, looking away from the screen yet again.

 

Jeonghan smiles. It’s a slow process.

 

\--

 

Mingyu: I can’t hear you anymore, but now I can talk to you.

Mingyu: It doesn’t seem real.

Mingyu: But what I wanted to say was goodnight. I look forward to seeing you again.

Mingyu: I never imagined that a stranger could make me so happy.

 

Joshua smiles down at his screen, feeling tears well up behind his eyes. It’s simple, but he misses home and misses his family. Even after just meeting Mingyu, he’s already stepped in to fill an impossible role: to fill an impossible hole in his heart. He drops his phone to his lap as he holds the palms of his hands against his eyes, trying to barricade his tears before they poured.

 

It doesn’t work.

 

With teary eyes, he picks his phone back up.

 

Joshua: We aren’t strangers. I know you. You were always there.


	5. a realization, a date, and a bigger realization

 

Their dinner plans are for Friday afternoon. Mingyu’s plans for that afternoon included helping a stranger move his things into Hansol’s house before the group dinner. Joshua had let him know that he would be at Hansol’s house when Mingyu was set to come up, so Seungkwan could abstain from helping if he didn’t want to help move boxes into a room (he didn’t). That left Mingyu, Joshua, and Hansol to help the newcomer who Hansol knew little to nothing about.

 

When he arrives, he comes with less boxes than Joshua had and holding a small planter in his hands which makes him look awfully childish. Hansol looks at him skeptically, smile stretching across his face. “Wonwoo?” He asks, still squinting, eyebrows raised. The man seems quiet as he nods, then thanks the others for offering to help him with his boxes. They move him into his room, invite him to dinner. He agrees. It’s an awkward shuffle, but it ends up working. Wonwoo gets all of his boxes into his house, gets the grand tour, introduces himself to them, and agrees to dinner. They all pile into Hansol’s car.

 

Hansol seems on edge.

 

Wonwoo doesn’t say a word.

 

Joshua laces his fingers with Mingyu’s own.

 

Mingyu loses the basic function known as breathing.

 

It all goes exactly as smooth as it should. When they arrive at the restaurant, everyone else is already there and seated. They slip into their seats easily (especially since Minghao had saved two seats for Mingyu and Joshua, Seungkwan had saved a seat for Hansol, and there was a leftover seat by Seokmin and Jihoon for Wonwoo). The sight of three new additions to their group cause gazes to flit to and fro. No one seems to know exactly how to go about this dinner. There’s a new energy in the usually friendly atmosphere; it isn’t unfriendly, but it is unknown.

 

Everyone introduces themselves halfheartedly. There’s an encompassing uneasiness that collects around them through the afternoon as they shyly chat. Soonyoung acts suspiciously as he buries himself in his food; the usually chatty membering opting for silence instead of leading discussion, so it all falls upon Seokmin and Seungkwan.

 

Underneath the table, Joshua taps the toe of his shoe against Mingyu’s leg. Minghao notices whenever they make prolonged eye contact and teases them about it, but goes red in the face as soon as Junhui speaks up. The atmosphere is not warm, but it is not cold. There is something inexplicably wrong, but not unfixable. It’ll take time for them to fit together in this new arrangement, but with the scattered conversation and the coy smiles, everyone knows that it is likely possible. All of this will settle until they are as close as they have ever been.

 

\--

 

“Minghao?” Soonyoung is nervous. It is a rare emotion for him unless accompanied by excitement or fear. There’s fearlessness in his eyes even as he performs on stages in front of hundreds of people. He’s always been tough as a nail, but also rather gentle and kind. Everything that composes Soonyoung is wholesome and good. It ends up creating a man who is helpful and sweet, forgiving, and always willing to be the shoulder for a person to cry upon. So when he needs a shoulder to cry upon, it’s unusual and it makes the hairs on Minghao’s arms prickle up and stand on end. There’s something wrong with the balance of the universe. Minghao would consider killing a person to guarantee that Soonyoung would always been full of his optimistic happiness (but the person in question would probably have to be a bad guy who is older, or something… or maybe, he’ll just keep this as a hypothetical statement).

 

Handing over Soonyoung’s cup of coffee, Minghao answers him with a curt, “Yes?” Then he takes a sip from his own coffee, letting it burn his lips. It masks the smile that graces his features when he thinks about how Junhui is back at Hansol’s place, waiting for him to finish dance practice so that they could spend the weekend together. If he burnt his lips, then he knew that Junhui could take care of him… if he asked… maybe.

 

So there wasn’t any action since the night Minghao had departed from Hong Kong. That was normal, right? Couples didn’t just get together. Love wasn’t just magical. It wasn’t something ordained by fate. (Because no, the thing ordained by fate, Minghao had vehemently denied as probably the worst possible situation to find one’s self in for the rest of their life.) It didn’t matter whether or not Junhui and he were going to end up together or not. What did matter was Soonyoung and whatever was on his mind. Minghao lowers his cup, smile gone as he prepares to reply to whatever Soonyoung could possibly say.

 

“It’s him,” is what he says, which is confusing and makes Minghao’s head swim immediately as he tries to backpedal through their conversation this morning, trying to figure out what they could have possibly talked about: who they could have possibly talked about. Mingyu was the only person that came to mind, then Joshua by connection, but there was no reason for Soonyoung to bring either of them up. It had been Minghao complaining about how they were suddenly an insta-couple apparently. A lot of Mingyu’s free time was being eaten up by Joshua or Joshua’s attention at the very least. Minghao knew that things would change once all of his friends found their soulmates, but he never figured that… well, this would happen. He missed having all the time in the world free to spend with any of them. Now… all of them seemed to want to be with who they were destined to be with from the beginning. It had always seemed like horse shit to him.

 

Soonyoung elaborates before Minghao can ask what he’s referring to, but he speaks slowly when he does so. “Ah… Wonwoo… It’s him… I’m pretty sure. It makes… sense, I guess… I just, I don’t think I know what to do about it… He didn’t say anything at the dinner, so I’m not sure if he realized… I could be wrong…” If Soonyoung thought his soulmate was Wonwoo, then Minghao could not see how he could misinterpret that. Wonwoo’s voice was a low vibrato. There would be no mistaking it as there would if Soonyoung had to decide between… a toss-up like Hansol and Joshua, or something. None of the examples he could come up with were perfect, but from the short time he’s spent with Joshua and the extended time he’s spent with Hansol, he knows that they sound somewhat similar when they speak in English. The way that they speak is clean, concise, and a lot of the time, annoying. Minghao often wishes that he weren’t fluent just so he couldn’t understand them.

 

“I doubt you are wrong,” Minghao says, pointing it out through gesture as he lifts a finger from his coffee cup in Soonyoung’s direction. “If that voice was in my head, there’d be no mistaking it… that’s for sure.” Both of them laugh at Minghao’s jest, but Soonyoung still looks somewhat uncomfortable with the situation.

 

Silence settles around them as they continue walking. Minghao internally counts the passing seconds, knowing that Soonyoung will speak up, but unable to predict what would be the content of his spoken thoughts now. When he does speak, it is in a disheartened tone. He repeats what he had said before, “He didn’t even say anything… We were sitting right next to each other. I said goodbye to him with the hopes that he would… say something.”

 

At this point, Minghao personally wants to march over to Hansol’s house, drag Wonwoo out of the place, and force him to recognize Soonyoung. He knows that that would go against everything that Soonyoung would want though. The boy who had always dreamt of making his soulmate happy, even when they were far away, even if they would never meet, would never want for his soulmate to feel forced into communicating with him. This is a reason why the whole system was bullshit: it hurt people who didn’t deserve to be hurt. Even if there was no stopping the system, Minghao had to at least make sure that the world knew that it was alright if soulmates didn’t end up together.

 

Chan bounds up to them just as Minghao opens his mouth to respond. He’s holding a styrofoam cup in his hands which derails Soonyoung’s thoughts on his soulmate for a moment. “Are you drinking coffee?” He asks the younger male. Chan’s face falls, giving him away immediately.

 

Minghao wonders if he even knows that he’s pouting right now. “Yeah…” he says, unconvincingly. Soonyoung leans in close while Chan tries to lean back, taking his ‘coffee’ with him. From beside Soonyoung, Minghao cannot help but to laugh at the exchange. In contrast to the previous, awkward conversation about soulmates that they were having, this is light. He’s tired of worrying about his friends and their hook-ups with their soulmates. Even if some hidden law out in the world was what was causing them to all flock to one another from across the world, then Minghao still did not care. His soulmate had disappeared, and he felt no tug on his bones to go find her. He didn’t even care to learn if she was alright (although he hoped that she was that, if anything).

 

“Hot chocolate?” Soonyoung exclaims, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth disapprovingly. “You know they can put chocolate into coffee.”

 

Chan shrugs, looks indignant. “Doesn’t make it taste any better.”

 

They laugh.

 

\--

 

Wonwoo is there when Mingyu arrives at Hansol’s place to pick Joshua up for their date. He’s standing in the doorway, eyes looking heavy. He must have recently woken up, because he seems confused and disoriented. Mingyu has to tell him twice why he’s there, then he finally steps aside for him, letting him into the house. He gives one last look to Wonwoo, who is yawning with mussed hair, before he’s heading towards Joshua’s room.

 

He’s called into the kitchen before he can make it down the hallway. Hansol lifts a hand excitedly, waving it in Mingyu’s direction. “Hey! Hey, Mingyu! Do you wanna help me unpack some of this shit?” He’s pointing to his computer which means that he’s most likely going through the vocal library that Jihoon had set up for him. Mingyu shakes his head, trying to just acquire Joshua and leave. He doesn’t want to stay any longer than that. On any other given day, he’d agree to sitting alongside Hansol and listening to complete strangers belt out mediocre notes, all with the hopes of getting into the school’s vocal program.

 

“Date with Joshua!” He exclaims, stopping for only a second. “Maybe later. You could always ask Seokmin or Seungkwan,” he offers. If he’s honest, he does feel bad about abandoning his friend and his impossible project, but nothing was going to take this away from Mingyu today.

 

This made him feel normal. He could breathe thinking about Joshua. Maybe the honeymoon phase was already over for him. It had been a couple days. No longer would he have to obnoxiously stare at Joshua or fawn over him in private. There wouldn’t be any nearly obsessive phone checking habits. Everything would just settle back into how it was, just as their friend group was destined to return to a state of normal. Changes happened. It was part of life, but that did not mean that things stayed changed forever.

 

He raps his knuckles on Joshua’s door in a light knock.

 

It only takes him a moment to open the door, stepping out to join Mingyu in the hallway. “Hey,” he says, biting down on his bottom lip. His gaze seems shy as it follows a path from Mingyu to the floor. Then he looks back up at him through his eyelashes. Mingyu’s breath catches in his throat. Nothing will ever be normal again. When Mingyu sees him like this, he cannot help but to consider how it might feel to get lost in him: to hold him against him, to kiss him until they saw stars, to spend the rest of eternity with him. Of course, his mind was ahead of the reality. It was speeding past the past and present, diving headfirst into a future that could be possible. No matter what, Joshua’s beautiful and it makes it hard for Mingyu to breathe.

 

“Hey,” Mingyu replies, eyes still wide.

 

In response, Joshua chuckles, pressing a fist against Mingyu’s shoulder. “Let’s get out of here, yeah?” He nods, smiling widening as Mingyu nods too, but doesn’t make any motions to leave. He presses harder against Mingyu until he seems to remember himself once again and leads the way out of Hansol’s house. Hansol yells after them to stay safe.

 

\--

 

It starts raining.

 

The weather doesn’t ruin their plans as much as it complicates them. Neither of them brought a jacket and the agreed upon date idea had involved walking around shops downtown. They could duck into a shop, but they could not hunker down there. They would still need to move on. When the topic of buying a coat or an umbrella comes up, both of them realize that neither of them had any money on them. Joshua had insisted that they shouldn’t feel obligated to purchase anything for each other. Plus Mingyu had promised to make dinner at Hansol’s place for Joshua (and most likely Hansol, Seungkwan, and Wonwoo). There had been no need for money: their phones were charged, campus was within walking distance, and no weather forecasts predicted rain. However, apparently it was raining.

 

The thin t-shirt that Mingyu sports is no match for the rain, so they cling to the sides of buildings as they creep underneath awnings. Giggles fall from Joshua’s mouth as strangers with umbrellas and rain jackets pass them, giving them odd looks. All of it feels very childish. It’s been a long time for the both of them. The adult world had swept them up quickly with chores, with responsibilities, with meetings and exams and bills and jobs. Look away from us if we bother you! Mingyu wants to yell as he pulls Joshua into the rain. People steer away from them. Both of them laugh; Joshua tilts his head back and lets the rain pour over him. It isn’t graceful, but it is beautiful. Mingyu can feel his hair and clothes sticking to his skin. He’s thoroughly soaked already; therefore, Joshua must almost be there too.

 

They were going to catch colds, but it would be worth it.

 

Joshua’s feet fall into a puddle, splashing water up between the two of them. Mingyu smiles, then gets a mischievous look on his face. Joshua stares back at him in confusion, but realization dawns on his face as he realizes the way that Mingyu’s muscles are strained. Before Mingyu can, Joshua bolts through the streets, wary of traffic as he heads back towards campus with Mingyu at his heels.

 

When he’s pushed against the side of a building, he realizes that Mingyu’s much faster than him. A laugh escapes Mingyu as he reaches around Joshua to open the door behind them. “Gotcha,” is all he says before pulling away from Joshua and entering the building. Joshua stays against the wall for a moment that extends into a new unit of time that is only measurable by his heartbeats. With Mingyu’s face hovering so near his own, he had nearly forgotten that he was a stranger. That they had only met days ago. If he closed his eyes, then Joshua could let him believe that he’s known this man for years (which he had). Jeonghan’s words stick with him as he focuses on his breathing, focuses on calming his heartbeat before he follows after Mingyu.

 

When he’s confident that he’s not going to get swept up into all of this yet again, he enters the building to discover Mingyu standing in the middle of the hallway waiting for him. Joshua opens his mouth to say something, but Mingyu holds a finger up to his lips to signal for him to be quiet. If he listens, then he can hear music drifting into the hallway, but it sounds muffled. He could make an educated guess on where the music was coming from, but it doesn’t matter any longer when Mingyu starts to lead him down the hallway to a seemingly vacant, unlocked room.

 

When Joshua enters after Mingyu, he discovers it is a dance studio. A wall of mirrors stares at him, making him feel slightly embarrassed. Both of them look disheveled and water is dripping from them as though they had just cannon-balled into a pool. “I think Minghao’s group is here, so we have to be quiet, but this will give us a chance to hunker down to see if the rain lets up. If it doesn’t, we can chase after Minghao and beg him for an umbrella or a ride home.” Mingyu says, going over to sit with his back against the mirrors. Joshua follows, settling down beside him gently. He feels the squish of his clothes on the hardwood floor when he sits. Whatever disgusted expression he has made in response to it causes Mingyu to laugh. He’s glad that he can draw laughter from Mingyu’s pouty lips.

 

“Alright,” he nods, “cool.”

 

\--

 

“Write your name with your right hand now!” Joshua calls, leaning over the scrap of paper that they had discovered. The doodles that mar the page are legible and in Mingyu’s opinion, cute. There are English words that scatter the page, and after they had both signed their names, Joshua had been struck with the wild idea for him to write his name with his non-dominant hand. When he finally manages it, with his left-hand guiding his right hand (“Unfairly!” says Joshua, trying to swat his hand away, which just worsens the writing), Joshua has to wipe tears from his eyes because he’s laughing too hard. What should be his name is little more than scribbles.

 

Mingyu slides the paper over to Joshua and he reaches out as though he’s going to take it from him, but before Mingyu can retract his hand back, Joshua entangles their fingers together. Not too fast, he reminds himself. The touch is calming, but the mood turns from silly to serious.

 

Beside him, Joshua can hear Mingyu swallow. He thinks that he might still pull away, but when he moves, it is to shuffle closer to Joshua. He leans his head against the mirrored wall and Joshua does the same. Their foreheads are close to touching, but neither of them move to close the distance. When Mingyu speaks, it is Joshua’s turn to swallow audibly. “You know…” No, I don’t, thinks Joshua. He could never predict what he might be thinking. It could be anything or everything. Mingyu’s mind, while it shouldn’t be, is a mystery to him. He’s unpredictable. His voice is low and Joshua’s gaze flits between his lips and his own gaze that holds so much emotion. It makes him narrow his eyes; there’s a realness there that Joshua doesn’t know if he often sees. It’s an open feeling. Mingyu has no guards up.

 

Too bad that Joshua hasn’t dropped any of his yet.

 

“You can talk to me… about anything, if you need.” He says, and Joshua understands. He’s quick to pull away from Mingyu’s almost touch, from their intertwined fingers, from the floor. The panic in his eyes, in his actions, is so palatable that Mingyu grows anxious too. He follows Joshua’s movements quickly. “I didn’t mean that you had to…!” Joshua throws his gaze around the room, unable to watch as Mingyu gulps. He cannot see the broken, sad look on Mingyu’s face. He hardly can reason with himself in this moment.

 

Pressure from every side surrounds him.

 

Mingyu is hugging him sweetly, clutching him to his body. The tears come without Joshua even realizing it; the apologies slip free from Mingyu’s mouth over and over. Both of them are downpours akin to the one keeping them hostage within the dance studio. After a minute of silent tears, Joshua clings to his body, clutching him so tightly that he fears he’s restricting his airflow, but the steady, quiet apologies are still coming.

 

“I just want you to be happy,” he says. “I just want to help.”

 

Joshua clings to him even more tightly.

 

\--

 

“Where is he?” Jeonghan says curiously, moving closer to the camera as though that will assist him in seeing Joshua’s surroundings. The man in question was currently (literally) running home in order to get a change of clothes since Wonwoo was the only person close to his side, and he really didn’t know enough about the guy to ask him if he could borrow his clothes. Joshua had opted to shower and change, saying that he would call Jeonghan and escort Hansol and Seungkwan into the living room instead of the kitchen where they seemed to be living for the day. When they had entered Hansol’s place, soaked and dripping, Hansol had just been in the same position as he had been in hours before, but now with Seungkwan beside him, sharing an earbud.

 

“At home. He’ll be back soon and I’ll introduce you two,” he smiles. The shower has cleaned up any trace of his badly timed panic attack turned hysterics, but he felt exhausted now. At least he felt clean and Jeonghan did not notice anything amiss. He had been able to tell him that he was simply tired from the shower and the day’s activities.

 

He hears Seungcheol in the background, asking Jeonghan if he wants any ice cream. “Of course!” He exclaims, sticking a leg out towards the doorway where, when Jeonghan opens his body up and away from the computer, he can see Seungcheol. Joshua and him exchange a wave and a smile before Seungcheol is leaving the room. It feels weird that Seungcheol isn’t there to toss his hair and make him feel utterly too young. He misses being at home, but he has to admit that being here hasn’t been the worst. It’s brought a type of happiness packaged as Kim Mingyu, a boy as bright as the stars hanging in the sky. It was as though Joshua had reached up and picked one straight out of the sky and suddenly it transformed into Mingyu. Mingyu was like a dream; Joshua just couldn’t believe that people as genuine as him existed.

 

People lied, cheated, broke hearts, but Mingyu seems to be good-natured. All he’s ever done for Joshua is try to help him. Ever since he had heard Mingyu’s voice, he had heard a gentle boy full of optimistic thoughts. He could paint a canvas full of beautiful things. Oftentimes, he had repainted the canvas that was Joshua’s mind into brilliant shades of yellow, orange, green, blue.

 

He made it less scary there.

 

“Okay! I’m back!” Joshua registers the knocking on his door, but doesn’t even have to react before Mingyu is coming in. He thinks about jokingly yelling that he’s changing, but instead, he turns so that Jeonghan can catch a glimpse of him.

 

“Oh!” Jeonghan gasps, hand covering his mouth, “He’s handsome! A real puppy dog…”

 

Joshua gives Mingyu a smile while he stands there, stunned. “Oh…” He doesn’t know what to say, clearly. Then, politely, he bows. “Uh, hello…! It is nice to meet you. I am Mingyu.”

 

The playful look on Jeonghan’s face is replaced by a softness. He bows his head. “It is my pleasure. I’m Jeonghan.” Joshua feels a warmth in his chest. It spreads throughout his body and he cannot help his goofy smile. His best friend and his soulmate meeting, even like this, makes him incredibly happy. It’s silly how important this is to him, but Jeonghan maintains a special, special place in his heart. One that couldn’t be replaced, because when no one was there for him, these two somebodies were there.

 

“Ah, I’m sorry, but we were just going to have dinner! I will call you tomorrow!” Joshua interrupts.

 

They bid farewell to each other and hang up. Mingyu presses a chaste kiss to the top of Joshua’s head when Joshua smiles up at him from his seated position on his bed.

 

\--

 

Dinner goes well.

 

Hansol and Seungkwan find the extra chairs that aren’t usually in use and set them out for Wonwoo and Mingyu. “They should be out permanently, but I rarely eat here unless you are cooking,” Hansol laughs as Seungkwan and Mingyu set the table. Wonwoo sits closest to the wall, trapped in by Seungkwan to his left and Joshua to his right. He seems to be in better spirits today as he talks freely about some of his interests (which include gardening).

 

Joshua and Mingyu hold hands underneath the table until Seungkwan outs them for showing off. Which reminds both of them that no one else at the table technically had a soulmate. Even if Hansol had met his, he didn’t know who they were. All of his time now was dedicated to trying to discover who it was. All of them could see how much effort he was putting into it. They release their hands, but Hansol doesn’t seem bothered by them holding hands or by them separating. Dinner seems to be a moment for him to be able to keep his mind off of his soulmate crisis.

 

Halfway through the meal, Wonwoo politely asks if there’s any seafood in the meal.

 

When Mingyu nods, Wonwoo then lets them all know that he’s allergic to seafood.

 

\--

 

“I’m going to take a shower,” Seungkwan pulls himself out of the sheets and blankets he’s sharing with Hansol. The morning light creeps in intoxicatingly, but he knows that if they continue to lay around in bed, then they’ll be spending their whole morning in bed. It’s already almost noon and both Wonwoo and Joshua had already left to spend their days out of the house, away from the coaxing warmth of their beds. After the hectic conclusion of dinner last night, all of them deserved some relaxation, but if they wanted to leave for the morning, then so be it.  “I’ll be right back,” he says, placing the single earbud that he was using to help Hansol go through the files onto the bed beside him. It replaces where he had been. Hansol lifts a hand to reach out to Seungkwan; he exchanges an easy, lazy smile for Seungkwan’s soft, small smile.

 

He squeezes his hand, then leaves to Hansol’s have fun! When he turns at the doorway, he notices Hansol put in the other earbud, returning to his diligent study. He still had thousands of files to go through, but they had definitely marked out several of them within the hours they had been awake. The soft vocals of talented students filling their heads as they ate breakfast in bed (that Wonwoo delivered) and exchanged words.

 

Sometime after the third one-minute vocal arrangement and Seungkwan’s departure, Hansol falls back asleep. It’s pleasant to let Sunday mornings take over. It becomes dreamlike. When he slumbers, he dreams of his soulmate. He’s singing, as he usually is, it’s unrestricted and powerful. There’s a deep emotion in his voice that Hansol cannot help but feel. His soulmate’s voice pulls on somewhere deep within him. It is a voice that he could listen to forever: the power flows through it; the emotion that it stirs within him. But hearing him isn’t the same as seeing him. There feels like a sheet has been placed over his head and his fingers are tangled in wires.

 

He hurdles out of his dream so quickly that he’s unsure if he’s truly awake at first.

 

The voice is still there, and Hansol grabs his computer to find the name on the file that he’s listening to because he’s found him. He’s found his soulmate. The happiness that courses through him is pure, unadulterated. He cannot wait to tell Seungkwan, to tell all of his friends. For a year and then some, he had went without this answer, but now he was finally solving this riddle himself (with help from, mostly, Jihoon). His hands shake as he wakes his computer up, mousing over the music library.

 

The music is paused.

 

He takes out his earbuds and it all makes so much sense.

 

It’s Seungkwan.

  
His soulmate is Seungkwan. It's been the answer all along.


	6. pairs of soulmates

 

Seungkwan takes long showers on Sunday mornings. Hansol knows this because his side of the bed is always cold when he returns and he has to cuddle up underneath blankets, placing his cold toes against Hansol’s legs, and curling around him. The feeling of his cold toes always immediately pulls him from the light slumber that he’s fallen victim to. This is the way that it happens every single time. Every Sunday together is no different: Seungkwan leaves to take a shower, Hansol falls back asleep, Seungkwan returns and wakes him up. It has been this way for months. A trusty system which usually allowed for Seungkwan to sing in the shower without waking Hansol up (although it was easier when they lived in the dorms since the shower was down the hallway).

 

This Sunday breaks the illusion of every Sunday being perfect, pristine, and warm. Hansol feels too cold and too hot all over. When he pulls his music library up to type in Boo Seungkwan, he feels foolish. It has to be a mistake. There is no reason why his best friend wouldn’t have told him that they were soulmates. There’s no explanation for why Seungkwan has been saying that his foreign soulmate can still be heard in his head. He plugs his headphones back in, double-clicking on the file. He’s almost surprised to find it, considering Seungkwan had never expressed much interest in singing. It made sense to him though. Hansol realizes how he probably knows Jihoon and Seokmin so well; he wonders if his best friend was heartbroken at not making it into the music program. The music starts up, Hansol focuses too heavily on the sound of his voice. It’s the same familiar song that had played in his mind when he was younger.

 

Shakily, he exhales, pushing the laptop away from him and towards the end of the bed. He feels as though he might have a panic attack, but realizes that he’s just feeling betrayed. His legs are hugged up to his chest as he tries to think about how to go about this. WIth this realization should have come happiness.

 

When Seungkwan reenters the room the small smile tugging on his lips is immediately replaced with a deep-set frown. He can feel the energy in the room, see how Hansol is folding in on himself. Realization comes all at once because he’s not an idiot. Hansol’s voice is eerily quiet and too serious for him; he no longer sounds like the boy that Seungkwan has come to know and adore. “Why…” he swallows, seeming to be having trouble with finding the appropriate words for this situation. “...why would you lie to me?”

 

I didn’t lie! Seungkwan wants to say, I could never get you out of my mind! Your voice does sound foreign! The only thing I technically lied about was saying that I was pretty sure that my soulmate was from another country when I knew that even if he sounded American, then he was from this country…

 

“I can explain,” he says instead.

 

Hansol waits for the explanation. He doesn’t know what to expect.

 

\--

 

“Do you think we’re in love…?” Minghao ponders, intertwining his fingers with Junhui’s own while they lay haphazardly tangled together on Minghao’s twin-sized bed that has come with the dorm. “Or is there something that just isn’t as real as being soulmates? Let me clarify,” he says, noticing how Junhui is ready to respond without even looking up at his expression. “...like that soulmates have this bond after they meet and that bond is what love actually is…? That’s what being in love is like, not any of this casual dating or letting yourself make decisions? What if we’ve just been tricked into thinking that if we aren’t with our soulmates, then we can still be happy?” asks the boy who cannot stop grinning up at his bed partner. After the question is out there, he even tilts his head back and smiles, watching as Junhui’s forehead wrinkles in thought.

 

His words are slow, thoughtful, and while Minghao had been chattering in Korean, Junhui slips back into Mandarin. Minghao is thankful for it because it reduces the amount of questions that would pile on his tongue as he tried to sort between translating on the fly and translating appropriately for this tough subject. “There are people who are soulmates with criminals who have hurt people and there are those with soulmates who die. There are soulmate pairs who are too poor or sick to visit one another. Then there are those who just never meet, even if they cross paths. I’ve even heard of people without soulmates. If those people don’t have every right to the feelings that those with attainable soulmates do, then what’s it all for? Why are we here right now? Why can soulmates overlook each other or deny each other?” Minghao cannot stop grinning at his words. He nods his head, enthralled, even though these are all the answers that he himself would have given if he had been prompted.

 

With a laugh, Minghao leans up to kiss him, feeling sickeningly domestic. Mingyu shifts on the bed across from them. “So, you think we’re in love?” He asks when he separates from the kiss, turning over onto his stomach to lay his chin against Junhui’s chest.

 

The older male just smiles, leaning back in for another kiss. “I’m saying that we could be.”

 

\--

 

Soonyoung, for his whole life, has only been with one person romantically. The concept of soulmates had always frightened him away from dating. He was scared that he would fall in love with a person that he would later have to leave for his soulmate. He had had friends who had to break up with people they had spent years with because they had looked at their soulmate and everything clicked. He didn’t believe in that, so when he had met Minghao in his first year of college, he easily fell for his critiques to the system.

 

Then awhile later, he easily fell for him.

 

But because he was in love with him, he had broken it off shortly after it had started. He didn’t have it in him to drag this out and then hurt Minghao. It was hard for him to imagine that he could hurt anyone’s feelings, but with how fast things were moving with Minghao, he could see it happening: could see him falling in love with his soulmate because his voice had always been there, like an old friend. Friends, he had called their relationship when he introduced Minghao to his friends and family. Minghao wasn’t an idiot, so he understood. None of it was fair; Soonyoung often wonders what influence that he had had on Minghao’s beliefs concerning soulmates, but he couldn’t have been that important to Minghao. Not because Minghao didn’t love him, but because it was short-lived and spontaneous. No time had been taken with it, but it had been careful. The touches had been tender and soft. Even when they had ceased with their relationship, they were still close: always touching, always laughing. It could have been a lot worse for both of them.

 

Standing in front of his soulmate, he wonders what throwing away all of it was for. Wonwoo is handsome, but he’s a stranger with dark thoughts that tangle around his lighter ones. He’s a silent mystery that Soonyoung does not particularly want to delve into. He makes him feel unsure and unsteady, but he smiles at him at least. He smiles at him slow and easy and Soonyoung really just wants to go buy him a shirt where the arms of his sleeves don’t cover his hands. His hair is mussed from sleeping, Soonyoung guesses, I must have woke him up when I called him. But he had come as soon as Soonyoung had called; he was in the cafe with his hair messy, white shirt untucked, sitting across from Soonyoung with a disheveled smile. This was a man who looked just like his thoughts. He was the most open book that Soonyoung had ever been in contact with. When Soonyoung tries to speak, he swallows his own words.

 

“I’m glad you called.” Wonwoo says, opening his clasped hands between them.

 

Soonyoung nods. “Yeah.” This seems surreal and awkward, but he’s used to overcoming any social situation that challenges him. Happiness is an easy feeling for him. He’s known for being the friend one goes to when they need advice or comfort. He could help others gather confidence and support them when they needed it. He was a strong pillar; he could make this work, but he’s so scared of it all falling apart. “...I wanted to properly meet you. I think it’s necessary… considering.”

 

Wonwoo nods. “I agree…” He looks away, whether shyly or awkwardly, Soonyoung cannot tell right away. “I was going to reach out to you, but I didn’t want to cause an unnecessary scene…” At the dinner, Soonyoung realizes. It seems so obvious when he says it. He just didn’t want to make it a big deal. Without asking, he doesn’t know if it was because that wasn’t their night or because he was just a shy person, but this answer seems so obvious. Soonyoung should have thought about Wonwoo’s feelings, especially when he knew that Wonwoo often had worried about how others perceived them. Lots of his thoughts dwelled on others and their perceptions of him and his actions. It would have been a large move had he announced that they were soulmates in front of a bunch of strangers.

 

Beaming at him, Soonyoung’s mood flips completely. “I understand!” He exclaims, nodding. “It’s good that we can talk about it now…! I was just worried that… you weren’t really it or that you didn’t want to get to know me after seeing me…” He voices his worries, not looking away from Wonwoo, who maintains his small, quiet smile. He nods in understanding. Both of them can see from the viewpoint of each other now. It makes the conversation easier. Soonyoung is going to have a lot to share with Minghao and Chan the next time he sees them.

 

\--

 

Chan hears her voice clearly when he wakes up. The disturbance was gone. She’s clear.

 

He’s relieved that he’s no longer the odd one out. Zoning out, he just focuses on her thoughts. It feels important that he does, especially to make up for the years where he could only pull broken thoughts out of much bigger thoughts. She’s creative, spunky, and he cannot help but smile to himself when he discovers that she’s into dancing too.

 

\--

 

Jihoon gets off of his shift early. Seokmin’s there to pick him up in his dingy, cheap car that looks like it might break down as soon as he gets into it. He still does. Seokmin’s grinning face welcoming him, but he moves no closer to Jihoon like he wants to do. He can respect that Jihoon would prefer to keep affectionate gestures to a minimum and Seokmin doesn’t know what kind of bad luck he had to not be able to tousle the hair of the cutest person in the whole world, but that was the case. Smiling communicates his affection just as well though.

 

And if he weren’t driving, then he would’ve caught Jihoon’s soft smile in response.

 

\--

 

Seungcheol holds steady to both his and Jeonghan’s luggage as they enter the airport. Jeonghan’s not used to travelling, but he’s able to figure out how to get where they needed to go which eventually would lead to the airplane. That’s all that mattered to Jeonghan, that they would be able to end up where Joshua was currently. “Are you sure this is enough stuff? We didn’t pack any furniture.” Seungcheol asks, again, for the nth time.

 

Jeonghan places a hand on his shoulder. “We can shop when we get there. As soon as we get there.” The answer is simple. He’s been rehearsing the answers to any question that Seungcheol could possible while they panicked in the middle of an airport. All of it was planned. They would be able to have a life there, because what they really wanted was to be together as they always had been. Joshua was included in their forever, so the answer never seemed simpler. The tickets weren’t pricey with Seungcheol’s new job. Everything was attainable with their optimism and love. Seungcheol wraps an arm around Jeonghan’s waist, leading him to exactly where he said they needed to go.

 

When they arrive, they rid themselves of their luggage, pass through the scans and body checks, and then all that is left is for them to wait to board. Both of their tickets sit in Seungcheol’s pocket. Underneath the ticket sits the tiny black box that his fingers toy with anxiously. His gaze lifts to the clock as Jeonghan relaxes into silence after talking about his day at work. Tilting his head back, he closes his eyes and tries to just wait until Seungcheol says that they need to board the plane. The atmosphere in the airport is hurried, but gentle. It doesn’t feel like time moves as quickly here as it does in the real world.

 

“Jeonghan,” Seungcheol breathes from somewhere beneath him.

 

When Jeonghan’s eyes flutter open, he’s greeted with a wondrous sight. His eyes immediately tear up as his gaze falls onto the golden band nestled in the tiny box that Seungcheol’s brought out. None of it is perfect: the airport, Seungcheol’s nervous smile, Jeonghan’s shaking hands, but that’s what makes it so genuine. That’s what has Jeonghan pulling Seungcheol up from the floor to kiss him while the glaring sunlight drifts in from outside. Their flight is called to board, but Jeonghan cannot separate from him. He cannot stop himself from breathing him in and clinging to him. His hands are balled up in Seungcheol’s jacket and there’s a smile on both of their faces.

 

Jeonghan thinks that there is applause, but he can’t be sure. His head spins wildly as he slips the ring onto his fingers. There’s no yes and there’s no will you? because there’s never needed to be any of it. “Now, we really can start our lives together there.” Seungcheol says, tears rolling down his face as he smiles. Jeonghan’s fingertips are gentle as he brushes the wetness from his cheeks, and Seungcheol lifts his hands to wipe away Jeonghan’s tears. They are a mess, but they are a happy mess.

 

\--

 

When Mingyu wakes up, he finds Joshua sitting on his chair below his bunk, a quiet smile on his face and a book propped open in his lap. “Morning,” he chirps, smiling growing as he pushes away from Mingyu’s desk so he can get a better view of his soulmate in all his glory: his bedhead standing every which way, his eyes squinting as he tries to fight off the morning light, and the lines along the side of his face from his bunched up blanket. There’s everything beautiful about him. The muscles in his long arms pull taunt as he stretches them in front of him.

 

He yawns. It’s unusual for him to be the last one up.

 

“Minghao and Junhui let me in. They both just left too.” He gives the answer to the unasked question. “I think they said something about a date. Is Junhui going back home tonight?”

 

Mingyu shakes his head, swinging his legs off the side of his bed. “Nope. Staying for two weeks, then I think he’ll be going back.” He answers, voice sleep laden. His eyes look like he’s willing them to stay open, as though it is a task. He looks like he wants to go back to bed, so that’s why Joshua throws more caution to the wind as he stands up, shaking his head.

 

“Stay up there. You don’t have anything to do today, do you?” He asks, and Mingyu shrugs. That’s reply enough for him. Joshua lifts onto his desk, then climbs further up into his bed. “I don’t know why we’d rush the day if you don’t need to.” His voice is quiet and controlled as he crawls towards the head of the bed. Mingyu pulls his legs back up, tucking them close to his body as he watches Joshua carefully. The older male pushes himself against the wall and waits for Mingyu to reposition himself. The bed is too small for Mingyu let alone Mingyu and another person, but neither of them complain. Mingyu crooks his legs and Joshua fills in the empty space behind them with his knees. His front presses against Mingyu’s back gently as he cuddles him. A sweet, fleeting kiss is pressed right below Mingyu’s ear. “This is nice enough for me,” Joshua says. Mingyu cannot help but smile, closing his eyes and leaning back into his touch.

 

They drift off to sleep.

 

\--

 

Seungkwan does not prelude his explanation with I didn’t not lie, but instead explains the entire situation to Hansol. “I was hurt,” is how he starts. “I wanted to hurt you back. I had felt the connection immediately and at first… I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me, but felt obligated to because we were soulmates. Then I hear you tell your friends that you stopped hearing your soulmate’s voice, so you must have met them, but you can’t remember who or where. Apparently it was too far-fetched to look at the person you’ve known for a year and think it was him.”

 

“You lied to me because I hurt your feelings?” Hansol asks, incredulous. He does feel bad about not realizing it. He hadn’t even considered it. Recently, when Joshua had asked him about it, he had first declined because he didn’t believe that the unconfident, awkward thoughts that he had one heard were about the man in front of him. He couldn’t believe that Seungkwan had ever looked at himself in such a negative light. “It wasn’t fair for you to do that,” he swallows hard, unable to look away from Seungkwan, but also wishing he could do anything else. “You decided to jeopardize our friendship by lying instead of just coming clean…?”

 

Seungkwan throws his hands in the air. “I thought you didn’t want to be with me, Hansol! I thought, for awhile, that you were ignoring it because you couldn’t the thought of being with me. I never lied to you back then. I only lied now because it was embarrassing when you would tell everyone that you met your soulmate, but now had no clue who or where they were when they were right beside you. I was always right there! You forgot how my voice sounded.”

 

Hansol fumbles. This fight isn’t fair to either of them. No matter how horrible or stupid he was, it doesn’t give Seungkwan an excuse to lie. “You always sounded so… broken.” Hansol says quietly, then adds on, “...so desperate. You wanted love and you were scared of everyone and yourself. That’s not you, Seungkwan! The you that I know is lovely and loves himself and loves everyone around him. He’s not scared of love.” He’s yelling even while complimenting him. Seungkwan looks torn between being hurt or appreciative. He goes for hurt.

 

“I have feelings too,” he says, but his voice breaks as though he’s going to cry. “Everything couldn’t always be happy for me.” Hansol watches him carefully, but he still feels betrayed. He still loves Seungkwan. There’s a strange tension that he doesn’t know how to divide, how to fix.

 

“Can you just… leave?” He says after silence has settled around the two. “I’ll… talk to you later.”

 

Seungkwan doesn’t argue with him. He takes his dirty clothes and grabs his schoolbag.

 

It feels as though he’s ruined something very important.

 

\--

 

Minghao wakes Mingyu up by flicking his nose which ends up startling Joshua when Mingyu jumps in surprise. Junhui is sitting at Minghao’s desk, flipping through a magazine. “What?” Mingyu asks in English which causes Minghao to wrinkle his nose up.

 

“None of that in this place,” he says, “...or you get constant Chinese.”

 

Throwing an arm over his face that he realizes isn’t his own, Mingyu’s voice is mumbled. “You understand English… I don’t understand Chinese,” he answers. Minghao rolls his eyes while Joshua pulls his arm back from being Mingyu’s captive.

 

“What time is it?” He rubs at his eyes.

 

Junhui shrugs, then answers after checking his phone. “Almost four.”

 

That serves well enough for Mingyu’s wake up call as he pushes the blankets away from him. Minghao moves to allow Mingyu enough room to jump out of bed. He almost stumbles upon impact, but Minghao steadies him. Joshua climbs down, wary of missing a step. When everyone is on the floor, Junhui laughs, holding his phone out. “It’s only noon.”

 

Joshua groans, bringing a hand up to smooth down his hair. Mingyu walks over to his mirror in order to try to find a quick remedy for his own hair. Minghao looks antsy. He doesn’t really sit down, instead just hovers around them. Mingyu picks up on it easily. “Do you… need something?” He asks to which Minghao shakes his head. “Uh, alright.” He nods, returning to his hair. Junui catches Minghao around the waist and pulls him into his lap.

 

“Minghao’s nervous about his performance tonight. They are having individual performances.” Junhui says into the crook of Minghao’s neck joyfully. “I’m thankful that I am here to see it.”

 

“You never said anything!” Mingyu turns around to face his best friend who shrugs. “Tell me you got tickets or seats for us.”

 

Minghao nods, chewing on his lip. “For everyone, as usual for any event.” Junhui chuckles, cuddling up to him as he tries to have this conversation. “I need to message the group to see who Chan and Soonyoung reached already...  but I did get tickets for everyone this time. I didn’t leave anyone out. I just… wasn’t going to tell you in hopes that you had plans.”

 

He’s proud of his dancing, but this is the first time he’s showcasing it to Junhui. However the older male had gotten the information out of him is a mystery, but Mingyu is glad that he has or they might not be going to a showcase later this evening. Joshua turns around from the mirror. “Can I do your hair for tonight later? You can do mine.”

 

It seems like an innocence request, so Mingyu agrees.

 

\--

 

Tonight gets here too quickly for most people. Seungkwan almost cancels, but Hansol picks him up from his dorm. No words are exchanged between the two, but he knows that this might all end up behind them, so Hansol’s not going to let this affect Seungkwan’s relationships with his friends. Hansol also picks up Wonwoo who had come home sometime after Seungkwan left, but had just stayed in the kitchen.

 

The rest of the groups split into different cars. Jihoon nearly begs for Seokmin to take a ride with anyone else rather than drive his own car, but with too much confidence in his ride, he picks Jihoon and Chan up to head towards the showcase. The rides are quiet and most are peaceful. Wonwoo can tell that there is an issue with Seungkwan and Hansol, but he doesn’t know either of them well enough to ask about. Minghao and Chan are so nervous that they can’t sit still.

 

\--

 

Joshua slides out of his seat after Minghao has closed the showcase with his own personal dancing act. Mingyu follows after him into the lobby where they will meet with the dancers after they’ve changed. “He’s good…” he says, seemingly amazed. “They all are.” Wonwoo and Junhui agree beside him as people bustle out of the auditorium. “I think I would personally look bad dancing, if I had to.”

 

“You don’t have to, luckily,” Hansol jokes, but doesn’t feel very into it. His smile falls as quickly as it appears. “Hey, I’m going to head out. I’m not feeling good. Let ‘em know I thought they were great.” He claps a hand on Joshua’s back. “Seungkwannie, you coming?” He says without registering the nickname slipping off his tongue.

 

Seungkwan looks shocked, but nods and follows him out. They have a lot to talk about at least.

 

Mingyu’s feeling brave. “Do you want to spend the night with me?”

  
Joshua looks up at him and smiles, making Mingyu feel light. “I’d love to.”


	7. hansol and mingyu rethink their housing choices

 

He ends up sleeping on the floor. Minghao insists, especially when Junhui takes his bed. It feels foolish and like they are children, but Mingyu doesn’t argue. They just pile their extra pillow and blankets onto the floor for the two of them. “I didn’t expect to get home so late,” Minghao says, then yawns. Already, he looks prepared to fall asleep standing in the midst of his sheets. Junhui chuckles at him as he wavers almost drunkenly. Joshua looks somewhat concerned.

 

“Did he drink enough water?” He asks, peering over the side of Mingyu’s bed.

 

Mingyu tilts his head back until he’s looking up at Joshua. The bed is just taller than him; if he walked over to it, then he could probably reach Joshua easily. “Yeah, a bottle on the way home and a bottle while we were figuring out the best way to do this.” He answers giving a upside smile to Joshua. It looks somewhat like a disgruntled frown, Joshua thinks. it’s childish, but Mingyu’s bending his back so that he can see him better and it’s the most endearing thing he’s seen. It’s a little silly, but the moment passes just as quickly as it comes and Mingyu is turning around to look at him, rightside up. “Stop worrying about him. He’s just exhausted.”

 

Atop the other bed comes a soft, sleep-addled voice. “Go to sleep, Hao.”

 

“I think he’s a step ahead of all of us,” Joshua says, looking past Mingyu at a standing Minghao, who is definitely not fully conscious with his eyes fluttering shut. He wavers and Mingyu lurches forward to catch him before he can fall over. His head lolls to the side as he lazily opens his eyes.

 

“I’m awake,” he says unconvincingly.

 

“That’s the problem,” Mingyu shakes his head, feeling like a mom for the first time in awhile. “I’m going to turn the lights off now, alright?” He pauses next to the light switch. “Goodnight,” he says before flipping it. In the brief flicker before the lights go dark, he swears he sees Joshua watching him, gaze soft.

 

His heart skips a beat.

 

Minghao whines from the floor, curling up into the blankets. Junhui and Joshua both bid a goodnight back to Mingyu. It feels a lot like they are teenagers again, not adults. He definitely wouldn’t complain if he could get a mini-vacation from all the troubles that being an adult has brought him and has yet to bring him. It feels nice to go back in time. He lays down on the thin pile of blankets that acts as his makeshift bed. Minghao rolls until he’s laying against Mingyu’s side; his lanky limbs misplaced around their bodies. It could always be worse.

 

\--

 

In the middle of the night, he wakes up without the familiar press of Minghao against his side. A quick investigation comes up with the simple answer: he’s gone rogue from his own idea. He’s more-or-less laying atop Junhui underneath the blanket that he’s stolen from the floor, which has left Mingyu with a blanket that hardly covers his knees and no heat from another body pressing against him. The AC is foolishly on. He almost just lays back down on the floor, but his anxiety ebbs as he shakes Joshua lightly. It doesn’t take much before he’s blearily looking up at Mingyu. His eyes seem to have trouble adjusting to the dark as he keeps blinking, slow. He reaches his hands up to rub his eyes, but then thinks better of it and closes them tightly.

 

“Can I sleep with you?” Mingyu whispers. It sounds crass, even though it’s innocent. His face turns a bright shade of red and he’s thankful for the dark. Joshua tries to crack an eye open, but fails to successfully keep it open. His expression does not look annoyed though, just confused. “Minghao left the floor and I don’t have a blanket that fits me.”

 

Joshua makes a noise, then tugs on Mingyu’s shirt. It’s easier than words, but it causes Mingyu’s heart to hammer hard in his ears. He lets Joshua tug on him as he climbs onto the bed, the older male never letting go of him as he finally opens his eyes. Because the bed is so small and Mingyu so massive, he has to throw a leg over Joshua’s waist. If he presses himself against the wall, then he should be able to lay on his side and cuddle up with Joshua so that neither of them fall off the bed onto the pile of pillows below them. He’s about to gently move Joshua over when he realizes that Joshua still hasn’t released the front of his shirt.

 

In the darkness, their gazes meet. Mingyu swallows hard, tries to focus on the way that Joshua’s eyes shimmer below him. Hovering above him, Mingyu feels much too big for his body. The expression that reflects his is playful where his is nervous. He feels the tugging on his shirt resume, but this time it is not needy or sleep-laden. it is careful. He follows the movement until his nose is brushing against Joshua’s, so close that he can feel his accelerated breathing coming out in shallow gasps against his lips. His arms move from between them until they are coiled around his neck, keeping him there with light pressure. If Mingyu wanted to move, then he could, but he doesn’t. This is a moment that he wants to live in forever.

 

No words pass between them as he leans down to close the distance.

 

It’s like wading into the ocean. The first couple of steps induce surprise (at the temperature), uncertainty (should i dive in?). When their lips brush, Mingyu almost bounds away. It is barely a ghosting of lips, but it shocks Mingyu, like electricity. He knows that he should let the kiss happen, eyes shutting gently and hands knowing where to place themselves, but he feels awkward and overwhelmed. His eyes are saucers and when he doesn’t move into or away from the kiss, Joshua cracks an eye open to evaluate the scene. A laugh slips from his mouth which causes him to brush against Mingyu’s suddenly dry lips. It sounds louder than it actually is; he expects Minghao to rustle around in his sheets, always a lighter sleeper than anyone else in the room. “It’s alright,” Joshua cooes, lips brushing against his chin. “Take it slow. We don’t have to rush it. We have… forever,” he breathes out the word and it makes Mingyu believe it.

 

He nods, letting his eyes slip closed as he moves back down into another kiss. This time, Joshua leans up to meet him; his finger twining in the hair at the nape of Mingyu’s neck. The kiss is slow, neither of them move to deepen it. They press and separate, repeat, trying to get a feel for each other. Joshua’s lips are so soft against his own that his brain feels like it short circuits. He moves without realizing it, taking the upper hand in the kiss as he swipes his tongue against Joshua’s bottom lip. The boy underneath him tightens his grasp within Mingyu’s hair and holds him close. When he opens his mouth to let Mingyu lick into it, slow and careful and unsure of his actions, he realizes that Jeonghan would consider this rushing things, maybe. Joshua isn’t so sure, especially when he feels Mingyu’s tongue moving against his own. Thinking becomes hard; breathing is equally as difficult. His lungs start to burn, but he doesn’t want to move away.

 

Mingyu thankfully does, breathing ragged.

 

Joshua untangles one of his hands, moving to press his fingers again Mingyu’s battered lips. He feels the puffs of breath against his skin, then Mingyu is pressing sweet, chaste kisses to each one of his fingers. Joshua wants to laugh, wants to pull him closer. It feels so foolish to be so happy from such a simple action, but it makes his stomach feel light. His lips tingle from the feeling. “Wow,” Mingyu breathes out. He wants to tilt his head back and laugh at the lightness in his body, at the happiness of the moment, at Mingyu’s disheveled appearance that he can barely make out in the darkness. His eyes glisten in the dark; Joshua ends up pulling him back down, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead, then moving down each side of his face to his nose to his jawline to his chin. Mingyu feels silly underneath his ministrations, but doesn’t want to complain. It’s a good feeling. Joshua pushes against him gently until he moves to where he originally planned to lay, but he doesn’t make him stop there as he switches spots with him until he’s atop him.

 

There’s an expression on Joshua’s face that Mingyu cannot make out in the darkness, then he ducks his head until his lips are peppering kisses against Mingyu’s neck. He makes sure not to suck or nip at the skin, moving quickly. Mingyu’s skin tingles wherever his lips touch. He drops down to his collarbones, but stops there. “Can I…?” He tugs on the hem of his shirt. Mingyu’s eyes get big as his breath escapes him (and he’s not ready for things to be moving this fast, but he’s sitting up to take his shirt off). Joshua gives him a gentle smile that breaks the sharp anxiety boiling in Mingyu’s stomach. He continues his path along his collarbones until he’s kissing down Mingyu’s sides, across his stomach, pressing against his belly button, touching along his hip bones, running down his arms, lingering on his shoulders, caressing his hands, fingers, fingertips. Then he backs off, moving so that Mingyu can lay how he had wanted to since he asked to share the bed. His shirt had been dropped off the bed, forgotten, and instead of getting it, he simply curled up underneath the blanket that Joshua covered him with, moving back until they were pressed flush together. Mingyu holds him carefully, skin feeling like it’s glowing, singing. He hears Joshua hum to himself quietly, content.

 

“I think you are beautiful,” Joshua says when Mingyu feels himself being lulled asleep again. He wants to respond, but finds it to be incredibly difficult when he can’t even keep his eyes open. The noise that slips out of his mouth is supposed to let him know that he’s heard him. He doesn’t know if he agrees that he’s beautiful; he knows he isn’t ugly, but he has his own worries about his looks. His skin in general is a topic of discussion here and there, but Joshua doesn’t seem to mind any of it. He presses a lingering kiss against the palm of Mingyu’s hand before Mingyu falls asleep. The happiness that he’s holding is something he’ll never let go of.

 

\--

 

Ideally, he’d prefer to be woken up with a few polite words, maybe a gentle shake if talking to him doesn’t work, but when Minghao’s first drives itself into his side, he feels like this may be the worst way he’s ever woken up. “What the hell?” He exclaims, causing Joshua to look over his shoulder and up at him. He’s half-dressed, standing before the mirror. Minghao gestures to him erratically and then pulls his fist back to hit Mingyu again. “Wait, stop, stop..!” Mingyu shouts, holding his hands up to protect himself, blanket sliding off of his naked chest.

 

“We had a deal,” Minghao says, and he immediately thinks that he’s referring to the floor.

 

“Yeah, but you did it first,” he retorts, still hiding his face behind his hands that are left up in order to try to pacify Minghao who is much too angry about something that wasn’t a big deal.

 

He turns red in the face, looking away from Mingyu as he puffs out his cheeks. “No,” he says as though that’s the final answer on that subject. “I hate not done it at all, you punk! I understand you met your soulmate and you want to get to know each other, but not while I’m here sleeping..! Save yourself until… we are out of the room or something…!” It looks like this is hard for Minghao; the whole conversation is too awkward and somehow his face is growing redder with every passing second that he has to fumble for words.

 

“Oh!” It clicks for Mingyu. “We didn’t…!”

 

Minghao holds a hand up. “I don’t want to know how far you didn’t go.”

 

“Awkward…” Junhui says from the chair, spinning around in dizzying circles while Mingyu tries to fight off Minghao who is still trying to throw punches. Joshua chuckles, throwing his shirt on quickly, then leaning against the door.   
  


“We didn’t do anything, Minghao,” Joshua speaks up at last. Mingyu breathes out a sigh of relief as Minghao’s attention is flung towards Joshua. “He took his shirt off because he was hot.” Mingyu watches as Minghao visibly calms down, moving away from Mingyu and his bed. He whispers okay to himself a couple of times before he’s completely over the moment. His face is still red, but Mingyu takes this as his opportunity as he mostly stumbles from his bed to get changed so that he can leave with Joshua instead of being cooped up in the small dorm room with a flushed Minghao for the rest of the day.

 

\--

 

Seeing each other in the sunlight contrasts harshly with their memories. Joshua holds his arms out, tilting his head up towards the sun and spinning in circles. He feels drunk from last night, but this is a different type of feeling than one he’s ever had. There’s no hangover coming to beat his head in, instead it’s blinding happiness, just like the sunlight that he’s reaching for now. Other students strolling around the campus cast glances at him, but Mingyu doesn’t even care what they might look like to others right now. His arms encircle Joshua’s waist, surprising the shorter male who twists in his grasp until he can move a stray piece of Mingyu’s hair away from his forehead. Then he presses a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth.

 

Then his phone rings.

 

\--

 

“Wh...What…?” says Joshua. His voice wavers between excitement and skepticism as he stands in Hansol’s living room with Mingyu at his elbow like his own personal comfort animal. Seungcheol and Jeonghan are standing in front of him, looking jetlagged. Jeonghan’s glasses lay crooked on the end of his nose meanwhile Seungcheol looks like he’s about to fall asleep right then and there. Joshua’s gaze cannot stop drifting to Jeonghan’s left hand. The golden band is inconspicuous, so much that neither Hansol nor Mingyu had noticed it.

 

Seungcheol thinks that his words are what is causing Joshua’s distress. Tiredly, he brings a hand to Joshua’s shoulder (missing at first). “We’re staying here while we decide on a place for ourselves,” he repeats, which everyone in the room understands… clearly.

 

Joshua repeats himself, “What?”

 

Hansol and Mingyu exchange a look tinged with confusion. Shouldn’t he be happy they are here? It seems to say. Hansol shrugs, returning his attention to whatever awaited him in the kitchen. Jeonghan sighs, finally picking up on Joshua’s the context behind Joshua’s question. “We’re getting married,” he says, yawning. Mingyu thinks the whole scene lacks the excitement that he would expect from this news. Joshua’s expression flickers momentarily as though he’s not sure how to express himself after gaining this information.

 

“Really…?” He asks. “This isn’t a joke again?”

 

Seungcheol laughs, looking remarkably like a father surprised that his son had to ask for clarification on such a simple subject. “Yeah, for real.” Mingyu wonders why they would have ever joked about it, especially seeing as they were soulmates. Beside him, Joshua flickers again, but then runs towards Jeonghan, throwing his arms around him in boundless excitement.

 

It catches Jeonghan off guard and they both tumble to the ground, laughing.

 

“Congratulation,” Mingyu says in English, bowing. Hansol echoes him from the other room.

 

\--

 

The jet-lagged, newly engaged couple asks to be excused so they can sleep, so Mingyu and Joshua duck out to catch a late breakfast, bordering on brunch. They walk hand-in-hand towards the familiar cafe on campus. “I’m glad they are here…” Joshua says quietly, finally breaking the silence between them. Mingyu smiles gently.

 

“I am too. I hope I can get to know them.” To himself, he sounds awfully formal about the situation, but Joshua doesn’t pick up on it. He nods, flashing Mingyu a smile.

 

“They’ve been with me through everything,” he says which causes Mingyu to remember the helpless thoughts of a teenager stranded in his mind, but before he can bring it up, Joshua’s changed the subject naturally. “They’ve known each other for so long. It’s so weird to know a soulmate pair for most of their life, usually they aren’t as close geographically as Jeonghan and Seungcheol, but they were born in the same towns. Jeonghan found him pretty easily too because they were in the same class and Seungcheol, even from a young age, had some airtime at this local radio station and that Jeonghan listened to often.” He shakes his head. Mingyu can hardly believe it either, but crazier things have happened. That would always be their go-to whenever anyone heard anything weird about a soulmate pair. In every case, there has always been something that’s more odd than the previous case.

 

In comparison, Mingyu’s case feels normal. He reasons that as a good thing all-in-all.

 

Mingyu squeezes Joshua’s hand, then releases it to hold the door open for him. It feels sickeningly like they are a couple after last night, but Mingyu isn’t quite sure what they are. Clearly, they are soulmates, but that’s as far as they have anything figured out. At the very least, Joshua is a friend like Soonyoung or Seokmin, but a friend that he enjoys kissing and gives him butterflies? He wonders if Jihoon ever gives Seokmin butterflies. “Thanks,” Joshua says, waiting in the doorway for Mingyu to follow after them. Both of them shed their windbreakers and move to find a table that’s nestled near a window.

 

They order. Joshua points out some dogs that are being walked past the window. Small talk is passed between them, but Mingyu cannot stop thinking about the press of their lips. Unconsciously, he presses his fingers to his lips. Joshua raises an eyebrow at his actions, nose wrinkling as he laughs. “First kiss?” he asks.

 

“Yeah,” Mingyu says from behind his hand.

 

Joshua’s gaze softens. “Me too.”

 

Which surprises both of them, considering they had thought that the other had definitely at least kissed other people before. Joshua is silent for awhile before his brow knits together. “Huh…” He whispers. “Didn’t you date a girl or two back when we hadn’t met?” The question is innocently posed, but Mingyu flounders for a moment.

 

“Uh, yeah… It didn’t work out. I was… worried about you for… awhile.” He answers, knowing that his answer might cause Joshua to shut the conversation down.

 

He nods slowly in response. “Ah…” It seems to make sense for him too, now that it is on the table. “I’m sorry that I saddled you with unnecessary anxieties that weren’t your own.”

 

It’s Mingyu’s turn to smile, flashing him a bright, toothy smile. “We’re two halves of the same soul… Nothing’s unnecessary about it. I know I’ve given you things to think about that you probably wouldn’t have wondered about otherwise. I know I had my fair share of shared anxieties between us.”

 

A small smile graces Joshua’s lips in response, but he turns his gaze down to his coffee, suddenly finding it more interesting than the conversation. Mingyu’s words are warm and wrap around him, but he still feels the weight of dumping so much on the other boy. For years, Joshua had been sucked within his own sadness. Now, happiness was sitting across from him, but he didn’t have the heart to take it. He knew that he couldn’t ask that of anyone, not even Mingyu. Happiness shouldn’t be a person for him. It should be a thing he shares.

 

He grasps his coffee cup too hard and burns his hands.

 

He’s thankful Mingyu’s there to rinse his hands off in the bathroom with cold water as tears stream down his face. It keeps happening and Joshua doesn’t know what to do about it. The tears keep coming even when he no longer feels like crying. The sobs wrack against his insides, bouncing of his ribs and he almost doubles over from the effort that he’s putting into crying. Mingyu’s hands are gentle and sure as they take care of the burn (which is not the source of Joshua’s tears). He opens his mouth to say something to Joshua, but then closes it again. He lets him cry because sometimes that’s the best option.

 

When he’s done, he holds him tightly against his chest and lets him know that it’s safe here, in the cafe’s dingy, poorly lit bathroom.

 

\--

 

Mingyu walks Joshua home, as he usually does now.

 

“I appreciate it,” Joshua says, wrapping his jacket around himself tightly. “We should breakfast tomorrow if you are free.” Later, when they are closer to Hansol’s place, he says. Mingyu nods. It doens’t feel awkward, but for some reason, they remain quiet beside one another as they walk. Their hands touch, two fingers intertwined together. Their hearts beat no faster than normal, but this is still a form of happiness that Joshua envelopes himself in. The quiet, the feeling, all of it makes him feel safe and loved in a way that Jeonghan cannot supply.

 

Mingyu kisses his forehead before leaving.

 

\--

 

“I won’t ever lie to you again,” comes Seungkwan’s voice. It’s gentle, floating underneath the crack in Hansol’s door. Hansol can’t stand to look him in the face currently, so this was his genius solution to the issue at hand. He can tell that Seungkwan is pressing his whole body against the door. Hansol wants to knock the door down too, to hug Seungkwan to his chest, but he knows that that won’t address the issues. His timeline sits on his bedside table with the words Met Seungkwan underneath Orientation. It’s underlined from before he knew Seungkwan was his soulmate. He had done it because it was a remarkable event.

 

They had quite literally run into each other: Hansol on his longboard, Seungkwan with an encyclopedia-sized book tucked underneath his arm and headphones in his ears. Hansol had tried to swerve, had tried to call out to him, but in the end, they were just a mess of angry red limbs on the concrete. Seungkwan had been red-faced, embarrassed and angry at the same time. Hansol had apologized, then explained that he tried to call out to him but headphones! and Seungkwan had tried to walk away without his book.

 

Neither of them know how they became friends from that, but they had, easily. Arguments were nothing to them. If they argued, then they could forgive each other. Solutions were easily found, except to this argument. This argument had culminated over a year. “How do I know that?” Hansol replies, sounding exhausted, which he is. He hasn’t been able to sleep properly since the  discovery was made. Seungkwan bangs a body part against the door.

 

“Can I just see you?” He whines.

 

“No,” is Hansol’s firm answer.

 

Seungkwan makes another noise, hits the door again in frustration. “I love you, Hansol.”

 

It doesn’t sound fake, and Hansol knows that Seungkwan loves him. It’s too bad that he cannot say those words back until he knows that Seungkwan won’t just end up hurting him again. His trust has been messed with, even if he understands Seungkwan and why he did it… it still hurt him. His grades had suffered; his mental health had suffered, but Seungkwan was going to stay silent on the subject until who knows when. Hansol doesn’t want to ask.

 

“When were you going to tell me?” He asks anyway.

 

Seungkwan is silent for too long. Hansol thinks that he’s left, but then he hears his answer, quiet and shy. “I don’t know.” It makes Hansol want to leave the door closed forever. He pulls his sheets up over his head and turns away from it, ignoring whatever Seungkwan had to say. After a couple minutes, he turns his music on and loud so he can no longer make out whatever Seungkwan is trying to say to him through the door.

 

\--

 

When he leaves his room the next morning, Seungkwan is sleeping in front of his door.

 

Wonwoo raises his eyebrow as he steps over him. “Morning,” he says quietly, then ducks into the kitchen where Hansol can hear Soonyoung singing to some catchy song playing over the radio. Seungkwan moves, but doesn’t awaken which adds proof to the claim that Seungkwan sleeps like a rock sometimes. Hansol bends down to try to wake him up, gaze softening.

 

“Uh… did you kill him?” Joshua says from behind him, causing him to jump, hitting Seungkwan in the process. Seungkwan groans, rolling over onto his stomach to hide from his attacker and Joshua stifles laughter as he steps over the scene of the crime that he just assisted in.

 

Soonyoung peeks out from the kitchen, apron wrapped around his waist comically, spatula in hand. "You want some pancakes?"


	8. jihoon doesn't want balloons at his party but seokmin challenges that (bad) opinion

 

A month passes by playing all the same rhythms.

 

For Mingyu, he has breakfast with Chan and Joshua nearly every morning, goes to classes, sees Joshua when they are both free, studies for exams that he’s bound to fail after inviting Joshua over to study alongside him, goes to the ‘friend dinners’ that resume being a regular Friday afternoon event for them, smiles at strangers, holds Joshua when he cries from the stress of things both known and unknown, does his chores, cooks food for everyone, and revels in the fact that Junhui no longer shares Minghao’s and his room any longer.

 

For Joshua, he usually has breakfast with Mingyu, scolds Hansol for locking himself up in his room, tries to become friends with him during an emotionally volatile time, watches Wonwoo add another five potted plants to their living room windowsill, helps Seungcheol and Jeonghan find a place to start their new, soon-to-be married life, tries not to distract Mingyu while they study, passes exams with flying colors, and focuses really hard on not rushing things.

 

For Hansol, he eats alone, locks himself away in his room hoping that Joshua will ignore him, obsessively checks his phone for messages from Seungkwan (who he had definitely underestimated when he asked for some room to think things through), tries to resist texting him or even calling him to see if he’s alright, fails a couple more assignments and exams to add on to the ones he’s failed trying to find the soulmate who has been beside him, calls the on-campus therapists, hangs up on the on-campus therapists, asks Wonwoo (of all people) for advice on a subject that he’s really not up-to-date on, and forgets to do his laundry regularly.

 

For Seungkwan, he eats less, sings more, cries a bit, tries to find solace in Seokmin who gives advice that he doesn’t take because he’s giving Hansol space, struggles with classes, watches as his grades diminish in the short month he’s been preoccupied, refuses to go out to ‘friend dinners’ even when Jihoon insists on it, and visits home on a false family emergency call just to be away from everyone for awhile.

 

For Seokmin, he spends his mornings with Jihoon seeing as they live together, blissfully forgets that Jihoon hates cuddling, sings a lot both professionally and unprofessionally, comforts a crying Seungkwan who insists that stress eating is the worst and he won’t fall prey to it, notices as he pushes his plates away before finishing them whenever they are out together, tries to be a better friend to him but it backfires and Seungkwan seems to withdraw further, is comforted by Jihoon (wrongly, he believes) when it seems like he’s not helping Seungkwan, and dyes his hair a shade lighter just to see what it might look like.

 

For Jihoon, he spends his time trying to avoid the others, detests the drama that he hears from Seokmin and Seungkwan, tries his damnedest to avoid responsibility for a week (but he’s sucked back into working full-time in the studio), listens to Seokmin who just wants to be helpful, tries to get Seungkwan to eat a little more, writes some more lyrics that Seokmin sings back to him in a way that makes Jihoon think they were meant to be, and tries to get more than four hours of sleep at night so that he can stop falling asleep while working at the restaurant.

For Minghao, he sees Junhui off at the airport, kisses him until he has to leave, promises him to visit if he could, stands too long in the airport after Junhui’s flight has left, feels like crying but goes home to bury his feelings in schoolwork, dances a little too much, pulls a muscle in his back, becomes irritated at Chan for trying to help him, realizes that he’s being an ass too late in the day, spends most of his time on the phone with Junhui, somehow continues to pass his classes, and apologizes to Chan too many times.

 

For Junhui, he spends the rest of his time with Minghao, goes home, tries not to think about how wrong it feels to be at home (but he knows that Minghao is not his soulmate, so whatever pull there is on him does not relate to that), calls him too often, realizes he’s being clingy and calls him less, picks up the phone in the middle of work to hear Minghao’s voice, almost gets fired for his behavior, asks for a transfer, doesn’t receive a transfer, asks again for one, lays down to think about things, and realizes that he’s not sure if there will ever be a correct answer laid down for him concerning anything in his life.

 

For Wonwoo, he feels too new, tries to tip-toe in the friend group so that he doesn’t disturb anything, finds himself rubbing Hansol’s back in slow circles as the boy curls in on himself, brings Joshua and Hansol breakfast every morning he’s awake before them, sings in the morning to the same songs that Soonyoung does, washes the apron that Soonyoung loves, brings ten plants back from campus and sets them all out in the living room window, and tries to convince himself that when Soonyoung grabs his hand at the movies, it is only because of the movie’s contents.

 

For Soonyoung, he asks to spend time with Wonwoo, asks to spend more time with him, gets to know his soulmate through the meals they share, helps him water his plants and brings him three new plants to add to the living room (or his own room), finds out that his major is in botany (which should have come as no surprise to him), accidentally holds his hand when they go watch a horror movie with Mingyu and Joshua, screams in the movie theater and gets them kicked out (but they all laugh about it afterwards in the parking lot), wonders why Chan doesn’t respond to his texts, and finally feels like everything’s where it needs to be.

 

For Seungcheol, he tries to adjust to his new life, attempts to get a job at a nearby radio station, doesn’t hear back from them for awhile, buys a home with Jeonghan, does exactly what he’s always done for Jeonghan, kisses him a little too long, takes over planning of group events so Minghao doesn’t have to worry about it, tries to get to know the others, goes wedding shopping with Mingyu who would rather be anywhere else, gets a cold, and finally gets the job.

 

For Jeonghan, he immediately makes his bed in Korea, tries not to think about home, clings to Seungcheol because he misses his home, spends time with Joshua, drags him into wedding shopping with him, goes on a couple double dates with the new couple so that he can evaluate Mingyu, decides that Mingyu’s not the worst he could have done, tries to get Seungcheol to make more friends, tries to make more friends himself, takes Chan with him to the grocery store more than once, and passes out in the living room of his new home.

 

For Chan, he tries to see Mingyu as much as he had before Joshua had moved into his life, tries to visit Hansol who doesn’t want to see him, tries to hang out with Minghao (but it backfires and they end up awkwardly sitting near each other, waiting for Soonyoung to take them home), tries to get a hold of Soonyoung (but fails most days), realizes that his friends are all seeming to move along without him, spends a lot of time upset over this realization, meets Jeonghan in Hansol’s living room talking to Joshua, falls right in love with the older male (well, not in any traditional, romantic sense, and instead just cannot stop himself from staring at him or trying to make him his new friend), makes tentative friends with both Seungcheol and Jeonghan who often take him with them when they shop for essentials for their new home, and listens intently to the soulmate that he hopes that he can one day meet.

 

\--

 

“Are you sure this is going to work?” Joshua, usually optimistic, sounds skeptical. His arm cramps from holding up the streamers against the wall. Mingyu is situated below him, on the floor, and he has to ask himself why Mingyu isn’t the one decorating the ceiling with his elongated proportions. It would be easier for him plus he wouldn’t even need to stretch his whole arm out like Joshua needed to do.

 

Jihoon is the one to respond from behind the counter. He’s opening and closing the empty cash register in annoyance, waiting on Seokmin to return from the store. “Yeah, parties without alcohol draw people together in a more organic way, plus I’m like a second generation friend to mostly everyone so they’ll feel bad if they don’t come to my party.” There’s confidence in his voice and in his plan (that he was taking credit for, but Jeonghan had been the original mastermind). Mingyu rolls his eyes, handing another streamer to Joshua who produces an annoyed sound, shaking the streamer at Mingyu.

 

“Why can’t they come in like… a big row instead of individually?” He asks, but doesn’t seek an answer. “How hard is it to produce them that way? Why are we so hated that no one has yet to introduce that way of making these things?” Even while he’s complaining, he accepts more from Mingyu, taping them up to the ceiling.

 

Jeonghan, successfully not lifting a hand, chuckles. “We could’ve went with the balloons.”

 

“Don’t like balloons,” replies Jihoon immediately. “Definitely don’t want to pop them and clean them up.”

 

Mingyu rolls his eyes again. “We would’ve helped with clean-up, plus this is a surprise party, so you aren’t supposed to know that this is even happening right now.” He informs Jihoon for not the first time that morning. Seungcheol enters from the kitchen, haphazardly carrying a platter of breakfast foods. He sets it down in front of Jeonghan and takes a seat next to him. “Did you make coffee?” Mingyu asks, looking around Joshua.

 

A nod. “Yeah, coffee’s fresh,” Jihoon replies, going over to pour some into a mug, then heads over to the food that Seunghceol has just presented to them.

 

Joshua reacts too quickly and Mingyu has to catch him by the waist before he topples off the chair he’s standing on. He’s pointing at the food. “You three aren’t doing anything, if you eat all of that, I will come down from here and…” He stops, seemingly not having any threat to present to them. Mingyu raises an eyebrow up at him, releasing him.

 

“Kick our asses?” Jihoon raises an eyebrow towards him as well. “Too late, we all have to be subjugated to this party this afternoon.”

 

“It isn’t that bad,” says Mingyu, but no one seems to agree with them as they continue the actions they were partaking in before Joshua had interrupted them. “If you want to quit, we can switch,” he pats the small of Joshua’s back. Immediately, he jumps off the chair and gestures for Mingyu to take over where he left off. Jeonghan catches the exchange and laughs freely, tipping his head back. Seungcheol brushes some of his hair behind his ear while he’s laughing and Jihoon feigns retching.

 

Jeonghan leans across the table, pointing at Jihoon slowly. “You don’t even realize you act like this with Seokmin sometimes, do you?” He asks, expression stoney and unforgiving. Jihoon furrows his brow. When his face falls into a pout, he doesn’t even realize that he’s pulling such a cutesy expression.

 

“Speaking of Seokmin,” he mutters, focusing on the table’s surface while Mingyu climbs up onto the chair (as though he needed to be any taller) to take over Joshua’s job. Joshua grabs a handful of streamers, carefully separating them as he passes them along to Mingyu in what he hopes is a steady rhythm. They’ve almost successfully have decorated nearly half of what they sought out to decorate originally, so Mingyu thought they were making good time, all things considered. Small talk erupts throughout the dining area as everyone pretends to be busy (while Joshua and Mingyu are actually busy, still working on the streamers wordlessly).

 

Seokmin enters after what seems like an eternity to Jihoon with his hands full of bags. “I bought some more decorations in case we didn’t have enough!” He exclaims, trying to evaluate the scene from behind the bags piled in his hands. “Plus everything that was on Jeonghan’s list.”

 

Jeonghan nods appreciatively, leaving his seat in order to take some of the bags from Seokmin. Jihoon seems to trail behind him after considering it for a minute, but to everyone’s surprise, Seungkwan emerges from outside the building with his arms full of bags. “Seungkwan…!” Jihoon says when he gets up, looking more excited to see Seungkwan than he is for his own party. There’s a look in Seungkwan’s face that Joshua picks up on, but he cannot name. It looks forlorn: lost. Joshua wishes that he knew him better so that he could offer him any form of comfort since clearly there was a deficit somewhere, causing him to see out of place in the brightly decorated building. Jihoon takes some of Seungkwan’s bags and as a group they set the bags down at a nearby table.

 

“If you brought more streamers, Joshua’s going to cry,” Mingyu informs Seokmin.

 

He smiles, pulling out a zipped bag from his shopping bag slowly so that no one can really see what it is until it’s completely out. With all the suspense, Joshua figures that it can’t be anything other than more streamers. What a comical stunt to pull.

 

It’s balloons.

 

“I told you no balloons!” Jihoon grumply hits his arm, groaning.

 

Seokmin smiles at him like he’s given him everything he could ever have wanted. “That’s why I got them.” A laugh; Jihoon softens imperceptibly. Joshua has to look away from the exchange, feeling heat creeping onto his face from either embarrassment or some other unknown feeling. Mingyu tries to pretend like he doesn’t notice the way that Joshua wistfully stares at Jihoon and Seokmin. There’s something in the air that isn’t tangible. It feels covetous the way that Seungkwan nibbles on a room temperature piece of toast unable to look away from Seungcheol and Jeonghan, and the way that Joshua doesn’t even realize that he’s curling his fingers around Mingyu’s as his hands are streamer-less; he’s watching Jihoon and Seokmin still.

 

Everyone wants a little bit more of what they already lack.

 

\--

 

“A surprise party for Jihoon,” Hansol doesn’t seem to buy it. Minghao’s propped up on his counter, sitting there mannerlessly as though it’s his own home. He shrugs, placing another chip in his mouth. “That’s the last thing that Jihoon wants on his 23rd birthday.” Minghao shrugs again as if it punctuates the fact that he doesn’t know why they are throwing him a surprise birthday party, except for maybe Seokmin planned it. He throws a chip at Hansol. It bounces off the back of his head, but he doesn’t feel it. Neither of them say anything for awhile as Minghao continues to eat straight from the bag (which if it were Mingyu, then he would have had to pour them out, but he’s free as a bird at Hansol’s house).

 

“Hey,” he says around a mouthful of chips. Hansol looks at him, horrified.

 

“Where are your manners? Does Mingyu leave you alone and you suddenly forget how to eat?” Hansol shakes his head, trying to hold in his laughter. Minghao narrows his eyes, thinks about shrugging again, doesn’t end up actually shrugging again. His shoulders are going to start to hurt if that’s all he’s doing in Hansol’s presence. Instead, he opts for rolling his eyes. “Anyway, what?”

 

Oh! Minghao purses his lips. “...Uh, I forgot… what I was going to say…”

 

Even if he had, the sound of the front door catches their attention. They listen to it as it is unlocked, opened, then closed. There’s some shuffling and from their position they see Wonwoo, eyes covered by a hyperactive Soonyoung. Minghao smiles, shaking his head as Hansol turns to him, voice quieting. “He bought another fucking plant for him.” Both of them soak in the reality of that phrase, then fall into peals of laughter. Minghao clutches his stomach, chips forgotten as he stumbles from atop the counter. “You should see the living room… It’s… fucking packed with plants. There are a couple on the couch now. I knew he was a botanist, but I never signed up for this.” It’s in good cheer, Minghao picks up on it fast by how the corner of Hansol’s eyes crinkle. He’s too softhearted to tell Soonyoung to stop purchasing ‘rare’ plants for Wonwoo’s collection when he knows why he’s doing it. It’s a thing that he understands too well.

 

It’s why he has been baking for the party all morning even though he’s terrible at baking.

 

“Jihoon’ll appreciate the hard work you have went through for Seungkwan,” Minghao says, brushing crumbs off his lap, “...but he’ll probably appreciate you more if you stop burning it.”

 

A curse flies from Hansol as he dives towards the oven, hoping to save his fourth attempt.

 

Minghao leaves the room before he is asked to assess the damage. Hansol’s question of do you think he’ll notice and do you think Mingyu could rescue it are to be remained unanswered as he slips into the living room, watching in mock interest as Wonwoo and Soonyoung talk. Both of them notice his entrance and greet him joyfully. Minghao smiles at them, nodding. Honestly, he’s shocked that life had been so good for everyone. One day, it picked up and spun them until they all landed here on this day and it seemed like Minghao was the only person suffering from dizziness. No matter where he finds himself, he feels like he’s third-wheeling, especially here with Soonyoung who he’s known for years, who he has pressed kisses against time and time again, who is talking about plants with Wonwoo as though he had any prior interest in them.

 

“What else are you studying?” Minghao crosses his arms, interrupting their conversation. “I saw you around the building next door to me the other day, or do you just have a weird schedule?”

 

Wonwoo looks shocked by the question that is posed to him, but he answers swiftly. “Literature, actually. I have the time to finish both majors, so I thought I would go for it.” Minghao nods in understanding, then leaves the room already feeling exhausted by the conversation at hand. As he’s leaving, he hears Soonyoung chattering excitedly about how Minghao has three majors. He thinks about returning to Hansol, but since he’s done his job in convincing Hansol to go, he doesn’t have a reason to be there (aside from the fact that Hansol is one of his best friends next to Mingyu, but he erases that fact). Without saying goodbye to anyone, he throws on his coat and leaves, bracing himself for the cold gust of air that will undeniably assail him from all sides.

 

\--

 

Chan arrives just as Seungheol is leaving to pick up the cake (specially designed and ordered by Mingyu who was upset that he couldn’t make it because of that one icing incident). Thankfully, he’s gotten his hands on a helium tank. Everyone is so thankful that Seokmin almost bounds to him and presses a kiss from his swollen lips straight against Chan’s lips. He has to withhold laughter at the sight in front of him as Jeonghan, Seokmin, and Mingyu are all expelling their breath into dozens of balloons that litter the floor. The helium will make them float which makes Joshua who is trying to decorate the tables happier since he will be able to stop kicking balloons out of his way (or having them thrown at him by Jeonghan).

 

“How long…” Chan starts to ask, but is interrupted by Joshua.

 

“Too long, Chan… Too long… I’m just glad that Jeonghan had the brilliant idea of asking if anyone could find a helium tank.” He sighs, plopping down in a seat at the table he’s currently decorating. “I’m surprised you could get one this last minute without purchasing it.”

 

He shrugs, passing the tank to Jeonghan. “I teach a dance class on Sunday mornings for little kids and we like to have balloons and snacks when there’s a birthday. It was pretty easy to get it, really. I just have to take it back as soon as we are done with it because they need it back by tomorrow.” While he’s talking, Jeonghan’s filling up a balloon with newfound energy. Seokmin gets the tank next while Jeonghan focuses on tying the balloons, passing them to Mingyu so that he can attach the strings. “Do you want me to help you guys?” He asks, looking around.

 

“You can help me,” Joshua says, sliding along several chairs before he’s back on his feet. “I still have all of these tables left, then… uh, if there’s more decorations in the bags, then I’m going to try to figure out what to do with all of them.” Chan nods, then heads over to a table where Joshua already has all the decorations set out atop it. All he has to do is actually put the decorations up rather than just leave them scattered upon the table top.

 

“Or you could help Seungkwan in the back with food prep…!” Comes a high pitched voice. Chan and Joshua both immediately turn around to find Seokmin with a wide grin on his face. Jeonghan and Mingyu are on either sides of him, trying to hide their own smiles meanwhile Jihoon emerges from the back solely to give Seokmin a light slap to the back of the head. Laughter erupts throughout the diner. It’s happy and warmth out here in the seating area. Not much can be said for the food prep area, but it’s definitely not lonely here. It helps Seungkwan forget about the reality that he’s going to have to face later tonight.

 

Jeonghan stands up, wiping moisture from the corner of his eyes. “I’m going to call Junhui now.”

 

“You’re calling Junhui?” Chan’s expression brightens from his tight focus on decorating to a type of glee. “Do you think he’ll be able to come?” It’s cutting it close with six hours until the party, but his plane ticket had already been taken care of by Jeonghan and Seungcheol. When Mingyu had offered to pay for it, they said that it was the least they could do, especially when Minghao and Mingyu had already done so much for Joshua. The real effort was going to be put into convincing Junhui that he should abandon whatever plans that he had just so that Minghao could see him for a couple hours. Jeonghan had stepped up to bat, but only because he insisted that he would be ultimately successful.

 

\--

 

Junhui has no idea why Mingyu is calling him in the middle of his class. His first thought is that something has happened to Minghao which causes him to lunge for his phone that is resting just in his backpack; he can see the screen, but he cannot pick it up without causing a scene. Minghao had been texting him that morning, but accidents happened out of nowhere. Junhui wouldn’t be able to stop anything from happening if, say, he were in Hong Kong and Minghao happened to be miles away at his own college. He taps his pen against his lips before finally giving in and gathering his things. With fifteen minutes til the end of class, he chances it. If Minghao’s safe, then that’s all and good, but without answering, he’ll never know.

 

How was he supposed to prepare himself for the voice on the line?

 

It wasn’t Mingyu. The voice was too soft, too unlike Mingyu. “Hello?” It says, unsure, then more confidently introduces itself. “This is Jeonghan, Joshua and Mingyu’s friend. This is Junhui, right?” He’s absolutely dumbstruck. Did something happen to Mingyu, Joshua, and Minghao?

 

All of his questions are shortly answered, but other complications arise.

 

\--

 

Minghao doesn’t show up to the party.

 

Hansol comes in, totling some lidded dish, but without Minghao (who had been in charge of making sure that Hansol arrived). When Chan comes back after having left to shower and drop off the helium tank, he does not have Minghao either. Wonwoo and Soonyoung come in together and when they are asked about Minghao, they both comment that they haven’t seen him all afternoon (that morning had been the only time). Jihoon’s other friends come, staggered between the aforementioned arrivals. Junhui comes in a little late, looking windswept. His eyes are wild as they traverse the crowds of people who all are holding onto glasses, trying to look busy and interested in conversation. He finds Mingyu.

 

“Where’s Minghao?” Junhui should be the one asking, but it’s Mingyu with a cup of soda in his hand, trying to listen to Hansol’s reasoning as to why he made something for Seungkwan when it was Jihoon’s birthday.

 

Junhui looks bewilderedly back at him. The music isn’t loud enough to drown out his voice when he leans closer to Mingyu. “Well, he wasn’t in Hong Kong.” There’s a bite to his voice and Mingyu is immediately turning away from Hansol to give his full attention to Junhui with hands raised (somewhat) in pacification.

 

“I thought Jeonghan might’ve asked you to swing by the dorms to check on him. None of us can get ahold of him.” He says, softening, realizing the gravity of the situation at hand. If it wasn’t for Mingyu wanting to keep this whole thing under wraps, then Minghao would have known to expect Junhui and he would have come. Mingyu can only imagine what Minghao’s life has become as he’s had to cart around with pairs of soulmates. Mingyu can hardly recall the last time he’s hung out with Minghao without Joshua around. It makes him feel bad about his recent treatment of his friend. Before he had met his soulmate, there was so much of his life that was dedicated to just spending time with Minghao, but now… “I can head there now with you?” He offers, but Junhui shakes his head, pushing through the crowd of people until he reaches the door.

 

Jeonghan stops him, leaning close to him to tell him that everything was going to end up alright.

 

Somehow, Junhui believes him and goes back into the busy building. Mingyu watches the interaction before separating from Hansol, making a mental note to tell Seungkwan that he needed to talk to Hansol before the party was over (or before Hansol got his hands on any liquid courage that was bound to be circulated later). He bypasses Wonwoo (who has his glasses perched at the end of his nose as he laughs) and Soonyoung (who is making Wonwoo laugh), then squeezes past Seokmin and some girl that he doesn’t know the name of. Joshua’s back is against the wall as Seungcheol talks to him, arms folded.

 

“Am I interrupting?” Mingyu asks when he is close enough.

 

Both of them shake their heads. “Jeonghan left to find Minghao,” Joshua explains. “Seungcheol was just catching me up on it while I was on my way to find you.” The party hasn’t even gone into full swing yet. Jihoon’s nestled up in a booth, trying to hold too many conversations at once while sporting an incredibly cheesy hat that Seokmin picked up that reads Birthday Boy. Most of the others are broken off into their own separate groups, conversing and trying to have fun in a cramped diner with music that isn’t quite loud enough to drown out everyone’s feelings. Also, there’s a startling lack of alcohol. It’s not all that fun, but there’s a certain quality to it that suits Jihoon and the people that he hangs out with (if only they had a karaoke machine to seal the deal).

 

\--

 

“I baked you this,” says Hansol, holding out the covered dish that he’s been coveting all day. “It was the fifth attempt.” He should be bashful to admit that he’s tried so hard to make this all okay, but instead of bashful, he feels happy. It is the first time in a month that he has felt giddy. He wants to pull Seungkwan close to him and reassure him that everything’s alright, that he forgives him, but he knows that both of them will have to go about this slowly. It’s a delicate situation, but Hansol understands now, and Seungkwan does too. He takes the dish and holds it to his chest. There is a wetness on his cheeks that cues him in to the fact that he might actually be crying, but he’s not at all upset. If anything, he’s beyond happy. He feels weightless and his cheeks hurt from grinning so much at Hansol.

 

The look on Hansol’s face turns shy as he moves in close to Seungkwan to wipe away his tears.

 

\--

 

Seokmin dances awkwardly, all limbs and no torso or hips. It isn’t that Jihoon is watching or appraising him, but he knows from Soonyoung that Seokmin opposes going to dance practices with their dance group even though he has a dream of being on stage. Jihoon can’t help but to think that it’d be smart to get an early start on learning how to control his body movements.

 

He notices that Jihoon is staring and quirks an eyebrow in his direction.

 

Oh no, Jihoon thinks, and he knows exactly what is going to happen next. He watches it through his eyes, but it is all fast forwarded in his head: Seokmin dancing up next to him with his arms making some odd circular motion, asking him if he’d like to dance, him grunting and saying no, Seokmin tugging on him, him trying not to give in, him forgetting that Seokmin is considerably larger and stronger than him. Before he knows it, he’s on what all the students have deemed as the dance floor portion of the diner. He doesn’t move next to Seokmin, but Seokmin bumps his hip into Jihoon, which knocks him off balance.

 

The grin on Seokmin’s face is irritatingly happy. From the day that he met him, he knew that Seokmin’s smile held sunshine in it. It was as if the boy drank straight from the sun because whenever he smiles, it is so bright that Jihoon has to look away. He knows that he’s not the only person who has ever had this response too. It would take an idiot to look at Seokmin and to think that he wasn’t the most important person in the room. Jihoon wanted to take on the world with him, and with his optimism, Jihoon never wanted to give up. Alongside Seokmin, he doesn’t think that he knows what quitting means. He doesn’t think that he ever could. Seokmin grabs his hand and twirls him. Jihoon groans as he does it, then all of sudden, he’s cracking a smile.

 

Seokmin laughs, so so does he.

 

It’s all perfect when it’s like this, so he dances with Seokmin. Days turns into hours and he’d rather be dancing with Seokmin while the world is burning than acting too good to have a little bit of fun. Hansol knocks hips with Seokmin who transfers it to Jihoon and so Jihoon bumps hips with Seungkwan. It’s too good of a night to waste it on sitting in the corner and wishing that someone (Mingyu, Hansol, anyone) spiked the drinks. He was turning another year older and he wanted to spend this time with his friends, even if it was silly or stupid and he’d regret it once photos were posted on social media tomorrow.

 

He takes Seokmin’s hands.

 

\--

 

It’s been a month since Minghao has seen Junhui. A couple days since he’s heard his voice.

 

He doesn’t think his legs have ever carried him so quickly in all of his life. The ride with Jeonghan had been boring, if not a little invasive. He had confided in the other that he wasn’t dying, that the world wasn’t ending, and that he wasn’t sad (which he was, he was utterly collapsing underneath the weight of his sadness, but a stranger didn’t have to know that). At a stop light, Jeonghan had pulled out his phone and sent a quick message which clued Minghao in to the secret that everyone seemed to be keeping from him. At first, he thought that maybe Jeonghan was telling Joshua or Mingyu that he managed to get him into the car, but he could have said that before they had entered the car. He realizes it and grapples at the door handle while the car is still in motion.

 

When his feet hit the pavement, he doesn’t stop running. Jeonghan yells after him, but he doesn’t understand it. The wind snatches his words away. All he can hear is the steady thump of the music from the diner and the unsteady thump of his heart that has sprung up into his throat. If he’s wrong, then the disappointment will swallow him whole, but he’s smarter than all of this. All of this scheming is unfair to him. He was going to show up to the party towards its downswing so he wouldn’t have to deal with all the people, but now he cannot get to the building fast enough.

 

He arrives onto the sidewalk just as Junhui is exited the building. He doesn’t even have a chance to look up before Minghao is throwing himself at him. His legs wrap around his waist as Junhui stumbles back into the door, almost swinging it open with the impact. His arms circle around Minghao’s torso before he can even realize what is happening. Both of his hands on either side of his face, Minghao leans down and kisses Junhui. It’s enough to leave them both breathless, but not enough for either of them. There’s a month between them, thirty-one odd days of distance. Junhui tries to say something, but Minghao’s there again, pressing his mouth against Junhui’s desperately. There’s something deep within him that is eating him alive. It’s a rough emotion that he doesn’t understand yet. It’s sluggish and deep and hot. It has him fisting Junhui’s dumb jacket in his hands. It has him saying stupid things like, “I never want to be away from you for this long again.”

 

Junhui doesn’t know how to respond. His mouth hangs agape as he tries to think of a response.

 

Minghao doesn’t need one. “I’ve missed you,” Junhui says, kissing him and setting him down in front of him. Jeonghan approaches them, keys jangling in his hand. “Thank you,” he says to Jeonghan who only nods. They are all appreciative in this moment. Minghao pulls Jeonghan into a hug that he shares with Junhui too, just out of pure happiness. Jeonghan laughs.

 

\--

 

“You are a horrible dancer!” Hansol chuckles, pulling Seungkwan closer until they are pressed up against each other, swaying awfully offbeat to the cheesy love ballad playing. Other couples are dancing similarly, but they are only paying attention to each other. That’s all that is important to them (and Jihoon, but Jihoon’s stepping on Seokmin’s feet right now).

 

Seungkwan laughs, tipping his head back. When he looks back at Hansol, his gaze is soft and pliable. Hansol leans in to press a kiss to the tip of his nose and Seungkwan’s stomach does a somersault.

 

\--

 

“I love you,” Minghao says against Junhui’s neck.

 

Junhui’s breath hitches. His chest feels tight. “I love you, too.”

 

\--

 

Joshua’s laughing, face distorting from perfect into silly. When he’s relaxed and calm, he looks like he’s made of marble. His expressions are always timed and perfect, but when Mingyu makes him laugh, all of it changes. He no longer is the perfect gentleman and instead he’s this normal person that is attainable. He’s Mingyu’s soulmate. Mingyu leans in to kiss him while he’s laughing and Joshua giggles into the kiss.

 

They aren’t dancing so much as leaning onto each other.

 

Joshua spills juice all over a table that he’s spent too long decorating. Chan tries to tempt them into dancing with Soonyoung and him, but they decline respectfully and opt to watch their professional movements from the wall. They are easily forgotten though as Mingyu presses a hand somewhere above Joshua’s shoulder and leans in. Everything is easily forgettable when they are together like this. Joshua leans up to kiss him, then pulls away just as quickly, covering his mouth with his hand. “You taste like grapefruit,” he says from behind his hand.

 

Mingyu smiles at him. “I hope you like grapefruit then.”

 

Joshua smiles back. “Luckily for you, I love grapefruit.”

 

\--

 

Seungcheol pulls Jeonghan into the kitchen as soon as he sees him, pressing a kiss against his hair. They fall into silence as they sway to the same love ballad, but from within the kitchen, they belong to their own world. It’s better in this bubble because there’s nothing bad that could ever touch them even if it tried. Jeonghan’s foot is stepped on. Seungcheol apologizes profusely and curses when he does it again.

 

“Just promise you’ll kiss it better,” Jeonghan says. It makes him blush.

 

\--

 

Soonyoung finds out that it is hard to get Wonwoo to dance with him, but Wonwoo will watch him. He licks his lips as he tries to impress his new friend (his soulmate). With heavy eyes, Wonwoo watches him closely from the wall. Soonyoung beams at him all the while he dances with Chan who cannot stop laughing at how silly their spontaneous dance is turning out to be.

 

After the dance, Soonyoung heads over to Wonwoo and twines his fingers with his. Wonwoo pretends like he doesn’t notice just so he can have an excuse to revel in the lingering touch.

 

\--

 

The party ends with all respective parties heading their own way. Jihoon, Joshua, Mingyu, Seokmin, and Chan all stay behind to clean up. Seungcheol and Jeonghan had been dismissed after they both had fallen asleep in the kitchen. Soonyoung offers to help clean, but Wonwoo needs a ride home and Hansol and Seungkwan had left early. Wonwoo stands there awkwardly, pushes his glasses up, but doesn’t read the situation right, so he doesn’t end up asking to help. Minghao and Junhui head back to Minghao’s dorm with the promise that Junhui will be going back to Hong Kong in the morning. It’s not the best arrangment, but until they can figure something out, it is all that they have. They covet the night.

 

\--

 

Then they covet the morning. Light streams in and Mingyu had decided to give them privacy by staying the night over at Hansol’s place. It’s lazy, but Junhui knows that he has to go back home. He presses a kiss to the top of Minghao’s head, who feigns sleep in the hopes that Junhui won’t leave. They don’t move for awhile and Minghao drifts back to sleep.

 

That’s when he hears her, faint, but it’s her.

 

He wakes up to an empty bed, and for the first time in awhile, he cries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This project is currently suspended.


End file.
